Here's the thing.

I hate my job with a passion lately. I don't know why it's so much harder than it used to be, because now every complaining/yelling/demanding guest makes me want to QUIT as in RIGHT NOW. I used to, in my previous resort gigs, take complaints like nothing else, then go on like nothing had happened- we had more in Yosemite because we charged more for the rooms, and had about 5 rooms that EVERY DAY we'd hear from guests about... why is it so much more difficult now? 25 more days, 25 more days... how is that supposed to help, when I dread coming into work, and each day seems like an eternity? It's a good thing the plane ticket has been paid for, because I really would quit if not, or if the front desk didn't need me... ugh.

My assumptions:
1. I am old, and the whole "work for dirt, and get treated worse than dirt" isn't so adventurous anymore.
2. Maybe I'm more soft and wimpy now? I don't know about that, because I know I can still pack a punch, when it comes to saying mean things to the people closest to me. Too bad that wimpy-ness hasn't reached the other areas in my life.
3. It must be the air up here!! Though it's only about 700 feet above Cedar City in elevation, it must be the thin air.
4. After working with people in real need, spoiled tourists annoy me.
5. There aren't bears here, only deer. Who wants to handle rude people, when you can't even go bear searching? lol

My blog is too self obsessed, so here's the scoop on my familia:

Sheri: She was supposed to come visit me, but it looks like she'll be traveling to the East Coast instead :P Oh well. I'll try to live without them... but everything is closing anyway, so it wouldn't have been as fun as during the summer anyway. She's still homeschooling her three kids, and they're still the most energetic kids I've met.

Kathy: Dealing with lots of bumps and bruises lately in her family. Bryce biffed it on his bike and had to get stitches, Elina fell on/off? her bike and knocked her teeth, hopefully not making them dead permanently, and Aaron fell out of his stroller right before I called last. Too bad you can't child/adult proof the great outdoors! She's the most stable one of any of us, and even makes her own bread :)

Kristy: Is moving to their own house soon! Her babies are growing up too fast for my liking, but are oohhh so cute. Kristy's house is going to be, if it isn't official yet, the family gathering place any time we go to the Provo area. Thankfully she's moving into a big house, just for the occasion :D She still takes care of our family shared Verizon plan, which isn't too easy seeing who is on the plan. :D Go Koo ris E tae!

Skot: is as crazy as usual- the only one in college right now. Weird. Maybe I'll join him soon, which should be easy, since he has about 4 years left. He went skinny dipping!!!!!! This might be normal for other families, but I come from a practically puritan-prim -mostly girls- family. I remember when he got back from his mission and walked around in a towel- I still can't get over it.

Cindy: She's dealing without her Ryan for awhile :( She's become my errand runner for birthdays, because I've had her get things like flowers, balloons, and gift certificates for birthdays in Cedar. Thanks Cindy, you're a strong person- keeping up with Jenna, baby #2, Ryan being gone, living at Kathy's, and of course listening to me when I call. Hugs and kisses :*

Annie: is going to be a nanny in New Jersey!!! Nanny Annie, nanny Annie. She's dead if she even thinks of leaving before I get home... of course if she leaves, that means I'll simply have to visit her soon, so maybe it's all right if I only see her at general conference. The family seems nice, and hopefully not psychotic :)

Emily: she's as crazy as usual, adding more stuff to her already full schedule. Someday she'll slow down, but probably not until she's 100 and has to use a cane! She's the most "normal" American Teen that our family has seen.

Darren: Loves being back in UT, boo hoo :'( but good for him. He's still in Success, so he can get his Associates' when he graduates high school, he's also in track and cross country, and in a couple of choirs I think. I miss him.

Other "family" : WE MISS AND LOVE YOU GRANDYs!!!!!!!

Caving- The story of me not knowing I didn't have to work until 5 :)

After waiting a few days for the surprise factor (not that I'm lazy or get distracted at all), here is what happened:


The front desk manager and two of us clerks have been planning a trip to Jewel Cave, which is the second longest cave in the U.S., for a long time. Ruby set up the schedule specially so we could go at the same time and were supposed to be leaving at 1 so we could get there by 2 for the tour. I forgot all about it, thinking it was the next day, so I went jogging behind the lake that morning... I ended up going on the Sunday Gulch hike, which is a whole lot longer than usual, and I didn't have my phone with me... I went to eat in the employee dining room, and Ruby was down there. We talked for awhile and finally she asked, "are you ready to go?" There I was in my work out/hiking, sweaty glory, and I really hoped she was joking. "Isn't it tomorrow?" No, we're supposed to leave at 1! It was already 1... so I ran back to the dorms, showered, changed, and picked up the girls. We barely made it to the cave in time, and when we got there I had to run back because we had purses that aren't allowed in the cave. After the adventure underground, we got back just in time for me to go to work, at 5pm instead of the 2pm I expected. It was a fun but tiring day :D

From September, chuck wagon dinner.

From September, chuck wagon dinner.

From September, chuck wagon dinner.

From September, chuck wagon dinner.

From September, chuck wagon dinner.

From September, chuck wagon dinner.

Well, you could call it caving, but we went on an official tour, with a ranger to guide us. We didn't go through the miseries, which is so narrow that you have to military crawl for about 1/2 mile, taking your waste out with you, gross! Jewel Cave is a pretty neat cave, very long, and it has some large rooms to view... but I don't think I'm really into caves as much as others. I would've been fine with the 20 minute overview, but we were there for 1 1/2 hrs, and it seemed long. It was fun, and different, so all in all it was a good day.

Some Days- or best/worst of times

Some days it's hard to wake up at 5 am after working until 10 pm the night before.

Some days I really want to quit. Today it's because we're offering a special for 1/2off the price if you stay for two nights, BUT groups don't count. Guess how many spit-fire-mad wedding guests we get? Why would the park do this to us???? The extra money is not worth the stress. Whoever decided to not include groups should sit here at the desk when people refuse to sign that they'll pay, yell across the lobby that they'll be contacting the governor etc. etc. etc.

Some days I just want to move on...

...

Some days the sunrise is pretty :)

Some days my hair works with me, even when I'm bleary eyed with sleep.

Some days I get sweet guests who check out- loving their stay, and spend a few minutes talking about New York with me. :D

(I had to stretch back to previous days for the following)
Some days I get to talk to friends and family, and they keep me laughing throughout the whole conversation.

Some days I get to visit tourist spots for free with my VIP card

Some days I go with friends to said tourist spots, take silly pictures, then share them with the world.

Some days I even remember that I work at 5pm instead of 2pm! But that days wasn't Wednesday (story and pictures to follow)

Facebook status updates -- part 2

I keep thinking of more:

Carrie: 28 days? That seems so short and long at the same time. Good thing I only have one place left to visit.

Carrie: IS going to General Conference !!!!

Carrie: is arguing in her head with the idea of hope. Where do you draw the line between concern and hoping for the best?

Carrie: misses school, who knew that would EVER happen?

Carrie: has had only ONE annoying/complaining/uncooperative guest today. Probably a record.

Carrie: needs more money. then she needs to figure out how to get to Chicago and UT in the same week. Any ideas?

Carrie: is addicted to the Internet. Do facebook friends count as virtual relationships?

Carrie: still needs to get that golden banner- Where to get it and where to put it?

Carrie: loves nature, but isn't exactly a tree hugger. I think there are more important things to picket for, than using coal.

Carrie: can't wait for the mellenial day: no poverty, no abuse, no other crimes, the justice system really will be just, and the government will be righteously run. Oh that it would be in my day, but I will try for contentment until then.

Carrie: is feeling spoiled with phone calls and chats :)

Carrie: Needs ideas for visiting teaching with only about 5 girls.

Carrie: will never learn! Once the word hike gets into my brain, the thinking part leaves :)

Carrie: "As with companions so with books. We may choose those which will make us better, more intelligent, more appreciative of the good and beautiful in the world, or we may choose the trashy, the vulgar, the obscene, which will make us feel as though we've been wallowing in the mire."(quote from President David O. McKay -- taken from Our Refined Heavenly Home by Douglas L. Callister, Ensign, June 09)

Carrie: still wants another name, though Quinella was a bit extreme.

Carrie: thinks everyone should grow up in a town like Paragonah.

Carrie: loves the Hintons! They are more like grandparents to me. I'll have to look them up next year when they're back in UT after their mission.

Carrie: Loves you.

I'm still alive!

I saw my blog note on a friend's blog and realized that it's been four days since I last posted! This is to let all of you worried people know that I am still among the living, and I haven't even hiked this week except for the missionary hike up Harney. Whew, I knew you'd be worried.

Update: I love to see the temple, I went inside Saturday... It was a lovely experience, but I left wishing for more. I think that if you have to drive forever and ever, you should stay longer than one session. But what could I do? We didn't coordinate very well, so I thought everyone was leaving, but saw another branch member in the next session, but didn't know waht was going on, so we ended up going to lunch at a chinese buffett (I'm not a fan, I've been to two and the food isn't good. I like it better hot) to wait for Devin. Being in the temple was great this time. I got a lot of answers, and felt a stress relief... which will hopefully continue throughout this week.

Good news (possibly)! My branch is going to go to General Conference, and I might be able to go along; even though I'm only supposed to have 1 day off a week- it's past my contract date for ending the season, so maybe my manager will work with me. I'll talk to them as soon as they get in and let you know. Everybody meet at Cheryl's- if you know who she is of course- if not, call me and we can meet up! I'm so excited for it to work out, to be able to see my familia (hopefully), and of course the babies that I've been missing so much. It's sad that they won't even remember me, so it's a one sided missing-ness. Oh well, at least it's something to look forward to, hopefully.

Future Plans: Don't ask, I DON'T KNOW.

Dear Mr. Austin- feel free to leave a comment, since I know you read through my blog for an hour ;) And, while you're at it, feel free to skip parts!

3 days, 17 hours to go

We're going on another temple trip. Somehow driving 6 hours, and leaving at 5 am make it more meaningful. I couldn't be more excited.

To remind me

So, today is a day of complaining guests, mad employees (upset at me, though it has nothing to do with my part of it), and cold weather. I needed to remember this talk.

Then my facebook friend Ann (never met her), mentioned something about grief, and moving past giving up hope. It made me ponder the idea of giving up hope. After some thought, I've decided that it is a good thing to stop hoping, for a change that will never happen. Of course there is always hope in the gospel etc. but if you spend your life hoping things were different, or hoping that the unchangeable will in fact change... it might be time to move through the grief of giving up hope- for that one specific thing. Acceptance can be healing- but what a hard thing it is to be human sometimes. If only I could see through God's all knowing eyes, feel His all powerful love, and know as He knows... NOW. That will have to wait, but at least I know that someday I'll be there. I told her that grief is messy, and usually needs tissue and chocolate. And of course good friends to share both.

Multiple Choice

Is driving an hour to get to a Redbox, then driving another hour the next day to return it:
a. Crazy
b. Completely logical and understandable
c. Frivolous
d. What needs to be done once in awhile, just to get a taste of reality, and to keep the insanity at bay.

I would say the A & C, but I'm already going to be going to Rapid every day this week, so I figure I might as well pick up a movie! Now, is driving two hours a day, just to go to things like institute, or to watch a movie in a theater:

a. Crazy
b. Completely logical and understandable
c. Frivolous
d. What needs to be done once in awhile, to get a taste of reality.

D Definitely!

Busy week highlights (starting on Thurs, going to next Sunday)
Thursday Night: Chuckwagon dinner with my coworkers :D It was a whole lot of fun, but would have been more fun with kids.

From September, chuck wagon dinner.

From September, chuck wagon dinner.

"Hokey Pokey"

From September, chuck wagon dinner.

Friday Night: Met with the missionaries and Joey/Joel. Joel wants to play basket ball in the full court at the church.
Saturday Night: Marshmellow/s'more night, ended up back at the dorm fire because we got kicked out of the Sheridan Lake group campsite :P
Sunday: I have to work, but it's all in the name of attending the temple. Which is worse, working on Sunday, or not going to the temple when you have the chance? Emily left :'( , and we ate lunch at the Stevensons. Love them!











Monday: I'll hike Harney and maybe Little Devil's Tower with a group of missionaries- including sisters, don't get any ideas, though I think I should give them Annie's address so they can get together when they get home.

From September, chuckwagon, Jewel Cave, etc.

From September, chuck wagon dinner.

Tues: Institute opening social. BBQ and volley ball, should be a blast.
Wednesday: Movie night with Sierra! I love her, and hope to love the movie, Julie and Julia.
Thursday: no plans yet. - maybe Rapid again with the guys to play ball, since they aren't coming on Tues. anymore.
Friday: Driving my roommate, Erica to the airport :'( Everyone is leaving. Then leaving at 2 am for the temple!
Saturday: Temple Trip!!!!!!!!!!!!! This time I'll tell everyone to pose for a picture.
Sunday: I hope to have it completely off, for -the first time in awhile- no night auditing, OR front desk clerking. Maybe I'll make it to Mark's sister's for FHE

2 things- Annie don't read this!

1. No fair! Seth (the guy from Vernal, see 100th post) has shown my blog to his family, but I have yet to see any of theirs. Granted, they might not have one, but it's kind of un-nerving to have people read most of your inner thoughts, while you have no idea who they are.

2. If I don't post for four -plus days, it could mean that I died or something. I tend to go jogging around the lake, then galavanting behind the dam on some great rock formations. I realized today that I always make sure to let people know where I'm going-- if it's a long hike, but if I just jog, I don't make it a point. So, you can be the first to know: I'm behind the lake in the rocks! I think if I don't show up for work for four days, they'll just think I'm off gambling or something ;) Maybe I'll try to wear red just in case the helicopters come looking for my body...

From May in Custer State Park

Take today for instance. I went to my usual spot, high on a hill overlooking the morning light across the rolling hills, then over those rocks to another outcropping of granite, down and across the stream to a place that I've only climbed down, but never up... I freaked myself out as I climbed up the boulders, with small hand holds and a pretty big drop off. There were wild raspberries to eat once I got to a ledge, so I enjoyed it, but still, my heart was beating fast as I contemplated falling to my death with no one around. Once I got to the top, I went exploring to some spots I haven't been, and ended the adventure on my flat rock that I once tried yoga moves on, but it was a bit too much for my poor palms. I sat there pondering my life as the wind picked up, swishing the shoulder high grass around me, making the Aspen leaves turn musical. I sat there taking it all in, and sort of memorizing the moment for future stressful moments. All in all it was a great morning, and even if I do fall one day, at least it'll be doing something I love :D

Things that make me go hu? Part 509

Why:

Why is it that some people can be on their second marriage, before I can find one guy?

Why do people through bouquets at weddings? I think that practice should be abolished.

Why are there so many, songs about rainbows?

Why does it show up on the live feed every time I fix something on my blog? Can't it only show when others arrive?

Why do I laugh at my own posts? I'm such a nerd.

Why is it so hard for me to plan things that work out?

Why is the coke machine buzzing so loudly?

Why are tourists so crazy? (See picture and my face)

From August 2009

From August 2009

Why hasn't Sister Hinton told me who that guy is?

Why is timing so weird?

Why does UT seem so far away?

Why is it that right when I want to sit down to eat, another person comes to the desk?

Why is chocolate soooo good?

Why am I so blessed?

Why did a chipmunk just run across the floor of the lobby?

Why have we not caught that chipmunk yet?

Why is it that everyone I know seems to be pregnant, or just had a baby? Must be the water :)

Why do I find myself missing my ex's family? Especially when I see that people visit my blog from his sister's? They really were lots of fun.

Ode to my "storage unit"

To the Dearest Loveliest Trunk
of my little black car,

Have I mentioned how much I appreciate you?

Just the fact that I could look inside you right now, and find such wonders as my swimming suit, between 5-10 empty water bottles (I plan on filling them up for emergencies), and my suit case, which happens to have extra clothes and at times shoes;
make me sit in awe of your capabilities.

You hold my things with such care, and even though the past few years I've overused you by leaving those marvelous things in your spacey unit for months on end,

you don't complain,
and still get great gas mileage!

What more could a girl ask for?

Though I move from place to place, you've been there for me.

Through thick and thin, through mud and snow, and even through the kamikaze grasshoppers!

Again, what more could a girl ask for???

Perfection only comes around once in awhile- and as soon as I get another jack to give to your welcoming unit, you will be perfect once again.

Thank you,
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

:D

We want s'more, we want s'more, we want s'more!

"First you take the graham, you stick the chocolate on the graham. Then you roast the 'mallow. When the 'mallows flaming... you stick it on the chocolate. Then cover with the other end. Then you scarf. Kind of messy, but good!" Ham Porter in The Sandlot.

We've been talking about having a s'more party for awhile, mainly because most of the people from other countries haven't had them before... and we finally got around to it! It's a good thing we did, because Erica is leaving next week. I'm glad she got to experience this great American tradition before she left :)

I've tried saving/uploading some of my family's CD songs- from 2003- but can't figure another way to do it besides this. One great thing about my family is that we love to sing together. We grew up learning to harmonize, probably to keep us from fighting in the car! Now we still like to go caroling, which has turned into an Olympic event lately. We stay out late during the holiday season, going from house to house to sing a few songs. Our big production night is Christmas Eve, and I'm sorry if we missed you last year! It's PARTLY (not all) my fault.

Now that everyone is moving away from home, and raising their own families, we don't have as much time to learn new songs- but we did make a new recording this last Christmas. That was quie the experience. I'll upload a song as soon as I get a copy!

Pretty much the same pictures, but I like the song better.

Lists

Lists, just to write them:

Food
Food I buy, because it doesn't come with the employee meal, or I get hungry after 4:30 pm and want a snack:

• Peanut Butter, Honey, and good bread
• Yogurt!
• an Avocado or two
• crackers and frosting
• candy bars :)

WORK

Things I say for check ins:

• Here is a room charge card if you'd like to charge things to the room
• Please put your car make/model, license plate number, and sign at the bottom
• Do you have your credit card that you made the reservation with? Would you like incidentals charged to this card?
• We have some coupons for some of the activities in the park: Buffalo Jeep Safari ride, horse riding, or boat rentals which we have here at Sylvan Lake
• The dining room and the store are open from 7 am until 9 pm
• You get to the lake by driving back out to the main road, taking two lefts, and no, you can't see the lake from here- too many trees!
• Enjoy your stay :D

Things I wish I could say, after they are checked in:

• If you have complaints, please just leave instead of yelling at me!
• Who raised you to act like that?
• No, I haven't been to every restaurant within 100 miles- I'm not as rich as you :)
• Are you kidding me? You're really complaining about that room?
• This is the wilderness, there are bugs.

Things I do say:

• Yes, this area is beautiful, and yes, it's nice to work here.
• I'm from Utah, have you heard of Cedar City?
• thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed your stay, that the room was great, and the service wonderful.
• The bathrooms are right behind you- we try to hide them.
• Yes, we have bedding and housekeepers!

RELATIONSHIPS

Why a guy should date me:

• I'm fun-
• I like to laugh and make others laugh
• I'm righteous (according to Tyler from the branch, lol)
• I like to do little things like leave notes or surprises around
• My idea of the perfect date is April 25 because it's not too hot and not too cold.
• I like simple things, and don't need a lot to make me happy.

Why it might not be so fun to date me:

• I don't know how to cook very well- blame my (past) feminist ideals, or laziness.
• Emotional baggage.
• I tend to fight back, and don't mind bring up touchy topics.
• I write on a blog for the world (or at least the three readers that I have) to read!

LIFE

Reasons why I have moved a lot:

• I like variety
• I choose jobs that nobody would want to do for a long time, so I need a break by trying something new.
• You can reinvent yourself every time you move- though I'm pretty sure I've come to the point that I'm pretty much the same no matter where I go.
• I like staying in a place long enough to find the less touristy spots- this sometimes takes awhile.
• I've needed a break from school- who wants to go all in a row??

Ha Ha

A conversation between a wedding guest and a front desk clerk:
Clerk: "How did everything go?"
Guest: "Well, the bartender poured the drinks too strong, so I got drunk, and they put make up on my face and took pictures! I guess I had a good time. I blame the bartender." (He happens to be an old man, with grey hair and a beard.)

:D Good times just keep rolling around here :D

I think I used to be funny

All right, I haven't made any observations about the "single world" for awhile- so I thought you'd all get a kick out of this one:

Sister Hinton, the sweet/silly 1/2 of a couple missionary pair said something like this to me yesterday: "Let me know when you start dating, because I keep telling a certain boy that he should date you!" She wouldn't tell me which certain boy it was, just that she told him I was a jem or something like that, and that she wanted to see us together. She said that the poor guy, who I can only assume had a strange look on his face said, "Have you prayed about it???" I just have to shake my head, but if I start dating a certain nameless person, I'll let you know if it's him! Maybe he'll ask me on a date by saying," Hey, Sister Hinton thinks we should get married, wanna go to a movie??" You gotta laugh :D

Oh and funny quote for the month: "Why am I the bad guy, I'm advocating ADVENTURE!" By Mark Hanhardt. I love my friends.

Good Times

Well, last week was pretty hard... I am no longer surprised that I seem to be experiencing the highest highs (missionary moments), and lowest lows (complaints turning into personal attacks) while at Sylvan. For some reason, if I don't make it down to Rapid to be among other members, I feel like I'm slowly dying spiritually. I wasn't able to make it there as much as usual, and I could feel the difference. I finally got to the lower elevation (is that the secret?) yesterday, and today has been fantastic. Lest you think that I spend my time sitting in my room, reading sad books, and crying my eyes out, I thought I'd post this.

Highlights of the week:

John Bytheway came to Rapid City to speak! It's not that big of a deal, if you're in the "Mormon Belt," but here people travelled for two hours just to hear him speak. It's interesting that an average event in one place, can be a once-in-a-lifetime, long remembered thing. I went away from his fireside feeling like I could do anything, and that things really work out.

I washed dishes for a function on Saturday= always fun. It's nice to do for a break, though I wouldn't want to do it full time :)

I got a new roommate from Tiawan (I seem to be shooing them out, because she's my third of the summer). She's very nice, works as a hostess which is different, but probably good because we won't go on and on about drama at the front desk. We're planning a smore party, because she's never tried it before.

I talked to my Filipino friends, and we have an appointment for the missionaries to visit and teach up here at Sylvan!!!! I've never had that happen before, and I'm extremely excited. I know that Hera and Chris are interested in learning about a lot of religions, so it should be nice. I told a friend that I may be getting jipped, money-wise, but I'm being paid with "spiritual treasures." Too true.

I didn't want to come home Sunday night, so I stayed at the couple missionary's house- the Hintons from Hurricane. They are so sweet and kind, making me feel at home the day I met them :D I'll probably stay over again! Then I went to Mark H's sister's FHE, which turned out to be a married couple with a 2 year old, along with four single people. It's such a blessing to be included in a real family, even if it was only for a few hours. I loved the family prayer- I miss praying out loud with others. It's always interesting what you miss...

I woke up early today at the Hinton's apartment, and decided to drive home. I got my laundry done, and I jogged around the lake. I climbed up to "my spot," all by myself at the tops of the mountains- at least it feels that way. It's been a great day!

I feel blessed.

Sturgis Rally

Every year thousands of motor-bikers meet at a rally in South Dakota for a week of fun. There was a constant rumble every time I went outside, traffic was hectic (Hill City blocked off Main Street to vehicles besides bikes, and Custer turned two lanes into bike parking lots, it was amazing.), and debauchery abounded- actually I didn't see any, even though people went on and on about the lack of clothes that I would see. I found it all to be one big adventure, but I didn't actually go to the town of Sturgis. My Branch Pres. said it wouldn't be a good idea, but I didn't plan on it anyway- so it was all good. Really, now that it's been about a week since the bikers have gone home, I miss them. We had hardly any complaints the whole week they were here! I guess if you brave all sorts of weather, with little covering, you have to be a pretty mellow person. I heart bikers!

From August 2009

From August 2009

Custer City Parking.

From August 2009

Needles Highway

From August 2009

From August 2009

Farewell. We'll miss you!

Musings of a Melancholy Sort.

Today has been a bit cloudy and it started to rain as I got in my car on my way to work. It's the perfect weather for pondering.

I was supposed to be going on another hike to Harney Peak, the highest peak in the area, but after waiting by the lake for awhile, and not seeing the other girl (who is leaving next week and hasn't hiked it yet), I went home. There was a note on my door saying that she was in the store- so we were both waiting for the other one, but not knowing where to look. So we didn't go! Instead I got out my book that I've been reading, about two girls who were in a car accident. One died and one was in a coma, and their identities were mistaken. Their families went for FIVE WEEKS not knowing that their daughter wasn't where they thought they were. It's sooo sad, yet uplifting at the same time. Both families are strong Christians, and they were examples to the world, bring others to Christ through their pain.

I seriously started bawling more than once as I read of their experiences. What would it be like to loose a family member to death? I haven't had that experience yet, and hope that it never comes. Beyond that subject, the book made me think about my life. The girl who mostly recovered from the coma (you can't ever be the same after something like that) felt like she needed to do some great thing for God- to show that it was a good thing that she miraculously made it, and to honor the five people who died in the crash. One of her friends showed her the story of Elisha in the Bible, where it talks about God not being in the earthquake, or the strong wind, but the still small voice. The girl finally realized that she didn't need to do something heroic, but to let God whisper through her life. This affected me deeply. I've always wanted to do the same, do some great thing that would bring people flocking to the gospel, or to make such an impact on others that they'll never be the same again. Really, I don't think that this is what Heavenly Father needs from me. If no one ever gets baptized into the church because of me, if there is not a statue/school/road named after me, and even if orphans in Africa aren't able to have food because I was there- Still I know that I've done my best to follow the teachings of Christ, and I've tried to help others while in this life. Maybe I'll never do anything really great in this life, but I've gone where the Lord told me to go, and harder: not gone where really REALLY wanted to go, because I felt that it wasn't right. Maybe there is greatness in the small and simple things.

Sometimes I just wonder, is my life acceptable? Am I all that I need to be? Is my offering enough?

Then, another thing from the book- which is pretty awful to realize. The boyfriend of the girl who died, but they thought was in the coma, was so thoughtful and kind. I really started to cry when I thought of my dating past: I've NEVER dated someone like that (at least not with all of his qualities). It seems that those who broke my heart left the second anything went wrong, and they didn't seem to have a thought about how I might feel. It was a pretty melancholy moment. Maybe the point of it is that I am still single, because I haven't found someone like that. Maybe that time will come. It reemphasized the fact that I'm old, and a lot of concerns that I have now, never really crossed my mind when I was 20 ish.

It is good and bad to be older, because now I have more to look for:
Is he addicted to anything?
How does he treat me when I'm sick?
What is it like when we disagree? How does he deal with arguments?
Is he controlling?
Can he handle my roller coaster emotions? Or will he consider me stupid?
Will he push my boundaries in the chastity realm?
How will he take the hard conversations that are bound to come up?
Is he really dedicated to the gospel, or is it just a season in his life?
If I marry him, will he expect me to work?
Does he want kids? More than three? How does he feel about foster care?
Is he obsessed with gaming?
How does he deal with money? Can we communicate about it???
and now... What if I were in a coma? How long would he stick around?

Seriously, I could probably go on, but won't. I think that all I thought about back in the day was, "does he like to dance?" and, "can I talk to him?"

I hope there is someone around who is like that guy in the book. It was awfully sad when he found out the girl he loved had already died. :'(