Gratitude, Thankfulness, Being Grateful, Giving thanks...

It's not fair to write a whole post about loss and becoming deeper human beings, without writing about the flip side of learning to enjoy and squeeze every drop out of life.
This counts as my gratitude journal for the day:

• The Grandys- I always miss them when they're gone, but every time we see them it's like they never left. We just pick up where we left off.
  
• Scrapbooks/journals/Picasa albums that I can look over and relive the memories
• Facebook, I love that tool. How else could I find long lost friends?
  
• Making plans, it's almost as fun as actually doing whatever it is.
  
• Mom, she's the first person I call when I'm perplexed.
  
• Siblings and cousins. They're pretty much my best friends, and stick with me, even watching "Carrie movies"
  
• I'm grateful to be done with school, for awhile. I'm especially grateful that the last two years worth of classes went smoothly. It's taken me awhile to realize that freaking out about school work only made it worse. Having a year where I couldn't go to school made me realize that I did want to finish.
  
• Love days, Twinner days, Hay hay hay days, DAE's... e.g. bonding moments
• STARS! There about 20 million more stars in Enoch than in Orem. Really, I checked the Astronomy books (ha ha). People try to say it's light pollution, but I know the truth.
• Fields, I definitely like the wide open spaces. I think I'll always be a small town girl at heart.
  
• Memories. I may not be all the places, or doing all of the things I once did. But, "I'll always have them in my heart."
• Using movie quotes as welcomes/goodbye sayings. "There's a dame at the Door." and, "I love your brown skin." or, "Maybe my hearin' ain't 20/20 no more, "Now you want me die?"
• Notes from people showing their love (birthday letters/magazine cut outs pasted on scrapbook pages).
  

. . . . . I'm Thinking. . . . . . . .

• Hello! I've been "in love" before, and it's a great feeling! Just because it didn't work out doesn't make the following false: "I lived while you loved me." I still laugh at some of the crazy fun times: postits in his car, gorgeous flowers long distance, first kiss in a theater, star gazing at 2 am and NOT touching, balloons at the airport, spur of the moment Labor Day trip, dancing in Arches NP, inside jokes, racing down stairs, traditions like Radio City, kissing after deciding to just be friends, contest for naming random body parts (Scapula, medulaoblongata) ...and no these were not with just one guy.
  
• The road trips I've been on. I love them, even if we do spend most of the time being lost.
• How could you not like flair and H20pia?
  
• Happy Thought Walls, funny Christmas presents (one was a folded up happy thoughts wall) Quote boards, and the question balls.
  
• Rumikub with cuz Michael and the homemade edition of Apples to Apples.
  
• Rarely seen "cult movies": Oscar, Father Goose, North Ave. Irregulars, & Expiration Date.
  

Moving Days

I've decided to embrace my insanity, and just accept the fact that I'm not like everyone else. I tried to be "normal" for the last two years, three months, and who knows how many days, but really I don't like to stay in one place for long. That's just the way it is. It's almost been three weeks now since my director pulled me into her office and told me of some concerns they have with me and my job. I went home and went over all of my concerns I have with them, and all of the things I didn't like about the job, and realized that my time in "happy valley" was over! I still feel bad about the way we left, but I'm so glad to be able to move again. The timing couldn't have been more perfect. My rental contract was up in two weeks, I had finished all of my classes for my bachelor's degree so I didn't need to stay in Orem/Provo for that, and I felt like my "please let me leave" prayers were finally being answered. I think I would have stayed in a miserable job for a lot longer if she didn't say the things she did, so I guess it was all part of the plan.

As soon as I decided to give my two weeks notice, it was now time to think of where I wanted to go. I've sort of settled on: staying at my parent's house for a couple of months and applying to grad school, then going to Florida and working at an Inn right next to the Everglades. Once that tourist season is over (Nov-Apr), I'll go to Alaska! I want to have fun again, travel, meet people who aren't LDS, and work in a new area of the country I haven't been. I'm excited to be back.

This answer to my prayers is one of my favorite: You don't have to do this anymore... I've had it twice now, and it has always been a relief. I'm still mad at God for a lot of things, but I can say that it seems to be all part of the plan. Why can't he just give me more of an idea of what the plan is? Oh well, I'm just happy that this part of my life is over!!!