Short

Why is it that a simple thing like finally figuring out where to put the html info. for a playlist, can make my outlook on life more cheery? Well it did. I love it when things work!!!! Did I mention that I'm going back to Springville tonight? I get to see my babies that I've been missing for 5 whole days now :D Very exciting things are happening, even if they have nothing to do with boys or jobs. Cheers for simple joys.

Ugghhh

Do you ever feel like just being depressed and you don't feel like just getting over it? That's how I feel today. I'm wondering the ever present "Why" question, and I'm getting the ever present answer, I have no idea. Things going wrong:

• I don't have a job, and can't seem to find one except for one that starts in April, in NORTH CAROLINA.
• I miss my baby niece and toddler nephew. The first night I got back from helping watch them, I kept listening for crying babies!
• I'm tired of job hunting, boyfriend hunting, and meaningful- life- hunting. I'd try the hermit life, except that the idea of killing my own animals for food is gross.
• Sunday I went with the missionaries to a re-baptism of an excommunicated member. This brought so many memories and painful feelings back that I don't even know how to describe it (I very much wanted to go on a mission, which didn't happen; and it brought back the experiences leading to my ex-boyfriend's re-baptism, hard hard hard.)
• I wish the ward changes involved blending with my homeward. The ward split after I moved away, so now I go to church and nobody knows me :(
• I watched a stupid TV show last night. They had this poor girl do a basically nude photo shoot to show who is the most "beautiful person in America," supposedly inside and out. Do they have to pornifiy people to show that they're beautiful? Seriously, even lotion commercials make me angry. I'm mad at myself for watching it.

One thing I've learned about life, there are ups and downs. I'm assuming that the wheel will soon turn to the up side. Actually I know it will. I just wish the wheel would turn faster sometimes :)

Family History

I love family history!!! As I was visiting with my grandma tonight, my cousin Angela asked if she still had her wedding dress (Angela's brother is getting married next week). It turns out that she did, and we got to try it on. I here and now speak the dress for my someday wedding, and grandma said she'd put my name on it! Of course the shoulders/sleeves will have to be modified, but I love the simplicity of the 40's/50's dresses. After we tried on the dress, my Grandma Scott went through a lot of her cedar chest with us. I loved hearing her stories and seeing the keepsakes (even though I lost one for awhile). She even had a tiny pair of pants that my grandpa made from his old suit, for my oldest uncle when he was a baby. My grandpa, engineering mind that he has, didn't think to measure the baby, but scaled them down exactly from his measurements. They had to add a large patch in the back so they'd fit around the diaper :) A classic story.

I'm so glad that my grandparents are still around, and that I can speak to them in person, asking about their memories. They'd better not die soon, because I have a lot more to ask. Thanks Grandma, and Angela for the idea.

New Niece! This makes the boys/girls even.

Kristy (my sis) and Nathan Cook have a new baby, Autumn Elizabeth Cook born on Feb. 12, 2009, 6lbs. 7 oz. 19" long. She's an adorable tiny baby, and her big brother Kaden is so cute and "soft" with her. He loves to give her kisses :D

From Baby Hospital Pics.

From Baby Hospital Pics.

From Baby Hospital Pics.

From Baby Hospital Pics.

Hello Baby!

Disclaimer and cry for help!

I've had a few people tell me they like reading my blog, but I had no idea they were even reading it! As far as I knew, there were only three readers. As I write, I try to think of my "audience," so hopefully you secretive people who don't like to comment, will also be able to "get it"!!! Thanks for reading even if you don't comment :)

Other note: I added Pandora to my side bar. Feel free to skip songs, switch to a different station, or push pause if you don't like the music.

Last thing: Can someone tell me how to change my background? Or add things like my play lists? The site I went to said to just enter it on the html editing part, but I have no idea where to put it in the long confusing list. Also, what gadget is it that lets you know when your friends last updated their blog??? Somebody please comment!

Grad School

What is the deal with grad school and me? Well, here's the thing. I was planning on going into Marriage and Family Therapy. Right now the last thing I feel like doing is talking to families or couples all day long, trying to help them deal with their problems, when I can't even get a dating relationship to work! Then there's the reality of last year: I was on the fast track to grad school- I had good grades, was a research assistant in my field, volunteered on the rape crisis team, worked at the women's crisis center with volunteers, and I volunteered as a mediator between parents and teens with truancy issues. My schedule was hectic, and I felt like I was doing good... but it was one of the most miserable times in my life. Sure I was busy, but when that was over, I'd go to my little cottage, sit by myself and read a book/watch tv. I was lonely. All of my single friends were busy, all of my old friends were married and dealing with their own families, and dating was fruitless. I really don't want to go back to that.

So, what am I doing about grad school? For this I have no answers. I can't do much with a bachelors in Psychology, but the idea of getting a masters in therapy doesn't sound appealing. Maybe there's another program I should look into? I guess I'll wait and see. Until then, I found a great job opening for a volunteer coordinator. I'm really hoping for that as one answer to the "what do I do with my life?" question.

Cool Videos

"My Babies"

Last week I decided to go on a traveling vacation! Life in Enoch was too crazy, and since I could now drive to Cedar and back without my body flipping out, I figured I could probably handle a trip to Ephriam and Springville. It was a great idea, and shows how far I've come. Back in the day (as in last year), when I started to feel closed in and like I had no choices in my life, I would pack my bags and move. This time, the week of travel, seeing family, and having "me time" (I even visited my old single's ward, which very nice because it's been a little strange in Cedar. The options are a family ward where everyone seems to have "happy little sealed together families," or a college single's ward where everyone seems 18.) was enough. I was ready to come back home. Here are some pictures from the trip.

Kaden loves bubbles. (Kristy's 1 1/2 yr. old)


Jenna's Favorite Toys! (Cindy's almost 1 yr old.)


This one turned out well. I'm liking black and white more and more.

No news is good news

I'm not sure where this cliche' came from, or what it actually means, but thought I'd used it. I do have news, but really don't feel much like writing it. I've probably procrastinated long enough, so here it goes: I am back to being a single, for reals, not dating anyone, Mormon. Nate and I broke up almost two weeks ago, but because of the responses last time, I didn't want to write here, or on Facebook. Oh well, at least I if it's written, I won't have to deal with the "are you engaged yet?" questions. What happened? Well, it was actually a completely different reason than the last time. It was just the same problem that keeps coming up (see the post about storming out to the stop sign at 1 am). Something just snapped inside of me, and I just didn't want to deal with it for the rest of my life, so we're done.

It's weird, but I actually have been feeling OK, like it was the right thing to do, and that we'll both be fine on our own- or with someone else. It's just hard to be this old, thinking of starting over again. I have a lot to be grateful for in this last relationship- I actually opened up again, let somebody in, dated for longer than a month, and all of the other things I thought I'd never do again as long a I lived! We had a basically healthy relationship, had fun, and ended without either one hating the other. Thanks Nate. See ya around.