Ugghhh

Do you ever feel like just being depressed and you don't feel like just getting over it? That's how I feel today. I'm wondering the ever present "Why" question, and I'm getting the ever present answer, I have no idea. Things going wrong:

• I don't have a job, and can't seem to find one except for one that starts in April, in NORTH CAROLINA.
• I miss my baby niece and toddler nephew. The first night I got back from helping watch them, I kept listening for crying babies!
• I'm tired of job hunting, boyfriend hunting, and meaningful- life- hunting. I'd try the hermit life, except that the idea of killing my own animals for food is gross.
• Sunday I went with the missionaries to a re-baptism of an excommunicated member. This brought so many memories and painful feelings back that I don't even know how to describe it (I very much wanted to go on a mission, which didn't happen; and it brought back the experiences leading to my ex-boyfriend's re-baptism, hard hard hard.)
• I wish the ward changes involved blending with my homeward. The ward split after I moved away, so now I go to church and nobody knows me :(
• I watched a stupid TV show last night. They had this poor girl do a basically nude photo shoot to show who is the most "beautiful person in America," supposedly inside and out. Do they have to pornifiy people to show that they're beautiful? Seriously, even lotion commercials make me angry. I'm mad at myself for watching it.

One thing I've learned about life, there are ups and downs. I'm assuming that the wheel will soon turn to the up side. Actually I know it will. I just wish the wheel would turn faster sometimes :)