This past week I've been feeling kind of left behind. Most people I know are married and have a couple of kids... I actually did think of two people who were in young women's with me who aren't married yet, but we aren't that close of friends so it doesn't count! It's like I got to the single stage of life then never moved on. While I've been sitting here at the 1 mile marker on the road of life, everyone else found the carpool lane, found a great spouse, who has a great job, and they've started their blissful family life... Wait, it's not LIKE that, it IS that. I miss Provo for one simple reason, (believe me this is the ONLY reason, I have a gazillion more reasons to be glad I'm out of there) and that is that my visiting teaching partner/teachees were all my age and still single. Here my hang out friends, group date people, people I work with (ok, I work for a family, and the parents are married), and even most Facebook buddies are all married. Not that marriage is a bad thing, it's just that sometimes I wish I were living in a different state where it is normal to get married in your late 20's.
I have no idea why things haven't exactly worked out as planned. I planned so many things it's ridiculous to look back on, and yet here I am making no money, living at my mom's, and oh no- still single. I guess I'm destined to get breast cancer and have down syndrome babies (from having babies after the "safe" age). Oh what a life I lead.
PS I'm actually really liking my life at the moment, until I look at everyone else and what they have. You "marrieds" really should be grateful to have families. If you want to reply that I should enjoy my single life while I have it, I have a few words for you: 10 years in a Single's Ward. Which would you rather?????
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
IF I KNEW
I went to a funeral of an 18 year old on Saturday, and later I found this poem. It's from a general conference talk a few sessions ago, and it really hits home. A Spanish speaking brother gave the talk, and I remembered the accent as I read it:
~~~~
" I recently read a text which expresses the urgency of not leaving for tomorrow what you can do today. In July of this year Brazil witnessed the most devastating aircraft accident in its history. There were 199 people killed, including passengers, airline workers, crew members, and others who were at the site when the accident happened. The text I mentioned was said to have been posted on the airline communication board by the husband of one of the flight attendants who died in the accident. It is entitled "Tomorrow Never Comes" and is based upon a poem by Norma Cornett Marek.
Tomorrow Never Comes
If I knew this would be the last time I would watch you sleep,I would hug you tighter. I would plead with the Lord to protect you.If I knew this would be the last time I saw you walk out the door,I would hug and kiss you and call you back to hug and kiss you one more time.
If I knew this would be the last time I would hear your voice in prayer,I would record every gesture, every look, every smile, every one of your words,So that I could listen to it later, day after day.
If I knew this would be the last time, I would spend an extra minute or two to tell you, "I love you," instead of assuming you already knew it.
If I knew this would be our last time, our last moment, I would be by your side, spending the day with you instead of thinking,"Well, I'm sure other opportunities will come, so I can let this day go by."
Of course there will be a day to revise things, And we would have a second chance to do things right. Oh, of course there will be another day for us to say, "I love you."And certainly there will be another chance to tell each other, "Can I help with anything?"
But in my case, there isn't one!
I don't have you here with me, and today is the last day we have—our farewell.
Therefore I would like to say how much I love you,
And I hope you never forget it.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old.Today might be your last chance to hold tight to the hand of the one you love and show all you feel.
If you are waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? Because if tomorrow never comes, you certainly will regret for the rest of your life
Not having spent some extra time for a smile, a conversation, a hug, a kiss,Because you were too busy to give that person what ended up being their last wish.
Then hug tight today the one you love, your friends, your family, and whisper in their ears how much you love them and want them close to you.
Use your time to say,
"I'm sorry,"
"Please,"
"Forgive me,"
"Thank you,"
Or even,
"That was nothing,"
"It's all right,"
Because if tomorrow never comes, you will not have to regret today.
The past doesn't come back, and the future might not come!"
("Don't Leave for Tomorrow What You Can Do Today" Elder Claudio R. M. Costa. Oct. 2007 General Conference.)
~~~~~
The kid that died (I didn't know him but went to support a friend) was only 5 months older than my little sister, Annie . I called her that day and told her that she wasn't allowed to die. I once again- speak the spot of dying first, before anyone else that I'm close to! Nobody forget that.
C
~~~~
" I recently read a text which expresses the urgency of not leaving for tomorrow what you can do today. In July of this year Brazil witnessed the most devastating aircraft accident in its history. There were 199 people killed, including passengers, airline workers, crew members, and others who were at the site when the accident happened. The text I mentioned was said to have been posted on the airline communication board by the husband of one of the flight attendants who died in the accident. It is entitled "Tomorrow Never Comes" and is based upon a poem by Norma Cornett Marek.
Tomorrow Never Comes
If I knew this would be the last time I would watch you sleep,I would hug you tighter. I would plead with the Lord to protect you.If I knew this would be the last time I saw you walk out the door,I would hug and kiss you and call you back to hug and kiss you one more time.
If I knew this would be the last time I would hear your voice in prayer,I would record every gesture, every look, every smile, every one of your words,So that I could listen to it later, day after day.
If I knew this would be the last time, I would spend an extra minute or two to tell you, "I love you," instead of assuming you already knew it.
If I knew this would be our last time, our last moment, I would be by your side, spending the day with you instead of thinking,"Well, I'm sure other opportunities will come, so I can let this day go by."
Of course there will be a day to revise things, And we would have a second chance to do things right. Oh, of course there will be another day for us to say, "I love you."And certainly there will be another chance to tell each other, "Can I help with anything?"
But in my case, there isn't one!
I don't have you here with me, and today is the last day we have—our farewell.
Therefore I would like to say how much I love you,
And I hope you never forget it.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old.Today might be your last chance to hold tight to the hand of the one you love and show all you feel.
If you are waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? Because if tomorrow never comes, you certainly will regret for the rest of your life
Not having spent some extra time for a smile, a conversation, a hug, a kiss,Because you were too busy to give that person what ended up being their last wish.
Then hug tight today the one you love, your friends, your family, and whisper in their ears how much you love them and want them close to you.
Use your time to say,
"I'm sorry,"
"Please,"
"Forgive me,"
"Thank you,"
Or even,
"That was nothing,"
"It's all right,"
Because if tomorrow never comes, you will not have to regret today.
The past doesn't come back, and the future might not come!"
("Don't Leave for Tomorrow What You Can Do Today" Elder Claudio R. M. Costa. Oct. 2007 General Conference.)
~~~~~
The kid that died (I didn't know him but went to support a friend) was only 5 months older than my little sister, Annie . I called her that day and told her that she wasn't allowed to die. I once again- speak the spot of dying first, before anyone else that I'm close to! Nobody forget that.
C
Monday, October 6, 2008
The Real World- is anybody prepared for this?
I've come to appreciate what mothers do more than I ever have before. I now have a job working with little 6 year old boy in a wheel chair. I pick him up after school, feed and diaper him, then we spend the rest of the evening outside singing kid songs at the top of our lungs. He's fixated on Eensy Weensy Spider, and the Hokey Pokey right now. I think I've now sung these songs 5 gazillion times, and it's only been two weeks :) The parents of the boy aren't doing well physically, so I've also started going in the mornings to cook the (eight) kids breakfast and clean up the house a little.
Realizations: College doesn't prepare someone for being a mom! In the last two weeks I've felt like my brain was slowly melting away. I swear I had a bigger vocabulary last week. In college you get satisfaction from doing well, and little rewards like completing small assignments, doing well on a test, and getting a good grade. Besides that there's interaction with people who discuss ideas from the centuries, which then promotes mind growth and intellectual enlightenment. How does that prepare you for the Hokey Pokey? We need something that shows us small and simple ways to still feel like an adult with a personality and brain, when all we do is spend our days cooking/diapering/singing/throwing a ball.
Yes, I am very aware that these aren't my kids, but I've been doing a "mother type" role for an eensy weensy bit of time and I wonder how real moms do it? I also know that not every mother has a six year old that likes to hit you in the face when you're changing his diaper (he broke one person's nose, but so far all I have is a scratch under my eye). So, moms, I think you're basically amazing, and I'd like some ideas for ways to still use my brain!!!!
Another thing college didn't prepare me for: making big breakfasts. All I do is breakfast, and so far it's been a 50/50 chance of getting something that actually worked out. The German pancake was great, but the scrambled eggs were thrown in the garbage once I tasted them :P I'm a pro at microwaved eggs for ONE. Cooking dinner every night for a family has always been a concern for me, because 1. it's been awhile since I cooked for more than one person. 2. I eat strange food that nobody else thinks palatable (microwaved eggs for instance). Then there's the fact that the guy I'm dating adores meat and would eat steak every day if he could. I feel more and more like a vegetarian (I like fish and chicken sooo much better than red meat) day by day. I'm feeilng ill prepared for this real world stuff. I'm much better at writing papers and taking tests.
The cleaning part of my job is all good. I've been a janitor, and worked in a group home where the blinds were cleaned weekly. At least in one eensy weensy, itty bitty way I'm prepared for real life.
Really though, send me some advice on keeping your brain alive once life changes!!!! Does anyone want to discuss the economical theory of religion with me? How about the benefits of the NEO Personality Inventory versus the Judging/Perceiving type? Anyone?
Realizations: College doesn't prepare someone for being a mom! In the last two weeks I've felt like my brain was slowly melting away. I swear I had a bigger vocabulary last week. In college you get satisfaction from doing well, and little rewards like completing small assignments, doing well on a test, and getting a good grade. Besides that there's interaction with people who discuss ideas from the centuries, which then promotes mind growth and intellectual enlightenment. How does that prepare you for the Hokey Pokey? We need something that shows us small and simple ways to still feel like an adult with a personality and brain, when all we do is spend our days cooking/diapering/singing/throwing a ball.
Yes, I am very aware that these aren't my kids, but I've been doing a "mother type" role for an eensy weensy bit of time and I wonder how real moms do it? I also know that not every mother has a six year old that likes to hit you in the face when you're changing his diaper (he broke one person's nose, but so far all I have is a scratch under my eye). So, moms, I think you're basically amazing, and I'd like some ideas for ways to still use my brain!!!!
Another thing college didn't prepare me for: making big breakfasts. All I do is breakfast, and so far it's been a 50/50 chance of getting something that actually worked out. The German pancake was great, but the scrambled eggs were thrown in the garbage once I tasted them :P I'm a pro at microwaved eggs for ONE. Cooking dinner every night for a family has always been a concern for me, because 1. it's been awhile since I cooked for more than one person. 2. I eat strange food that nobody else thinks palatable (microwaved eggs for instance). Then there's the fact that the guy I'm dating adores meat and would eat steak every day if he could. I feel more and more like a vegetarian (I like fish and chicken sooo much better than red meat) day by day. I'm feeilng ill prepared for this real world stuff. I'm much better at writing papers and taking tests.
The cleaning part of my job is all good. I've been a janitor, and worked in a group home where the blinds were cleaned weekly. At least in one eensy weensy, itty bitty way I'm prepared for real life.
Really though, send me some advice on keeping your brain alive once life changes!!!! Does anyone want to discuss the economical theory of religion with me? How about the benefits of the NEO Personality Inventory versus the Judging/Perceiving type? Anyone?
Sigh
Why is it that people think it's OK to joke with me about getting engaged? I am still dating a certain person, but the word engagement still makes me gag and want to throw up! You would think that after my "lovely dating history" people would just not say stuff, but I guess not.
The story isn't really that bad, but if it wasn't my grandma I'd be mad. I went to my grandma's during the Priesthood Session of General Conference and she was showing me how to quilt. She is one amazing lady, because she makes ginormous hand quilted quilts for weddings (2 months of work), and small baby quilts for the new babies in the family (1 week to make). With 37 (?) grand kids it's pretty time consuming. In the time it took me to quilt about 5 inches, she had three rows done. How do they do it? Anyway, back to the story: I asked if anyone was engaged because she just attended my cousin's wedding, and she said something about nobody but the possibility of me :/ It's only been about a month and 1/2, come on!!!
The problem with the engagement joking is that the word alone makes my stomach knot up and I feel like puking. I know that others have had positive experiences with engagements/dating/marriage, and I'm really hoping it's a possibility for me, but so far in my life any time it came near to getting that serious, life became unbearable. I remember when I was officially engaged to Luke, I went for a month feeling sick to my stomach, and feeling anxiety/stress at the thought of any marriage plans. We were engaged for two more months after that before I finally broke it off. It could be that those feelings were the "stupor of thought" talked about in the scriptures, and I felt like that because it wasn't right, but still I'd rather not go through that again.
So, in case you feel like asking me if I'm engaged yet, I'm putting off that word for as long as humanly possible. And if you actually do ask that, expect a glare or two. Is it possible to get married without being engaged? That would be the ideal :D Maybe I'll just change the word to
. . . nice calm relaxing time before a person gets sealed? Yah, it doesn't help. I always thought eloping was a great idea (to the temple of course).
The story isn't really that bad, but if it wasn't my grandma I'd be mad. I went to my grandma's during the Priesthood Session of General Conference and she was showing me how to quilt. She is one amazing lady, because she makes ginormous hand quilted quilts for weddings (2 months of work), and small baby quilts for the new babies in the family (1 week to make). With 37 (?) grand kids it's pretty time consuming. In the time it took me to quilt about 5 inches, she had three rows done. How do they do it? Anyway, back to the story: I asked if anyone was engaged because she just attended my cousin's wedding, and she said something about nobody but the possibility of me :/ It's only been about a month and 1/2, come on!!!
The problem with the engagement joking is that the word alone makes my stomach knot up and I feel like puking. I know that others have had positive experiences with engagements/dating/marriage, and I'm really hoping it's a possibility for me, but so far in my life any time it came near to getting that serious, life became unbearable. I remember when I was officially engaged to Luke, I went for a month feeling sick to my stomach, and feeling anxiety/stress at the thought of any marriage plans. We were engaged for two more months after that before I finally broke it off. It could be that those feelings were the "stupor of thought" talked about in the scriptures, and I felt like that because it wasn't right, but still I'd rather not go through that again.
So, in case you feel like asking me if I'm engaged yet, I'm putting off that word for as long as humanly possible. And if you actually do ask that, expect a glare or two. Is it possible to get married without being engaged? That would be the ideal :D Maybe I'll just change the word to
. . . nice calm relaxing time before a person gets sealed? Yah, it doesn't help. I always thought eloping was a great idea (to the temple of course).
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