Singles Anonymous, Round 2

If you're wondering what you can say to a single person, besides the ever present dating question, I'd say that the best thing to ask would be, "How are you doing?" or, "What's new in your life?" You don't have to mention dating, or children, or anything else. Then they can tell you about their lives and what's really going on. You can listen. I'd bet that they won't show proof of sitting on their hope chests, crying their eyes out because they aren't married. Their life might be a "Plan B," but who says "Plan A" is the only way to go?

My list of things not to say:

• "Some day a guy will come along..." first of all, you don't know that. I might not get married, and the guys that "comes along" might be immoral/unethical/addicted to drugs or something.
• "Your husband didn't die in the war in Heaven." Well, he might have "died" and that means that he joined Satan's ranks. Not a nice thought. It's a cute catch phrase, but when I heard that one I was pretty offended. I got this advice from a stranger and it still floors me. Does anyone really think that anyway?
• "I know this guy who just got divorced"... Remember that being single is not the only qualification needed to get married.
• "Have you tried the Internet?" That's not even safe! Though it has worked for some.
• "How do you do it? It must be so hard for you to move forward." My thought is, "you've gotta be kidding, do you know me at all?" I haven't actually heard this comment myself, but my Visiting Teaching partner's sister said it to her. She's my age.
• "I know this missionary who just got home..." Look, I am 28. Do you really think it's a good idea for me to date a guy who is 7 years younger than I am? Call me picky!
• "There must be something wrong with him, he's been engaged before." This doesn't really work for me, because I've been engaged before too. Telling me this information about someone else obviously says that there's something wrong with me.
• "Don't worry, I know a girl who got married when she was 26." Again, I'm older than that, and I know lots of girls who got married when they were 20. What does that have to do with me????
  

My turn for advice:

A good rule of thumb is to give advice- on how to find a member of the opposite sex, and probably at any other topic too- ONLY WHEN ASKED (the fact that you're reading this post counts as asking for my advice). I don't think many do ask, unless you are really close. DO NOT give advice to strangers who mention that they aren't married!

DO NOT spend an hour's conversation talking about guys you can set up a single person with. I've honestly had conversations where I try to change the subject more than once, but they won't have it.

I have a question for the "marrieds": would you like it if single people came up to you and said things like, "Isn't married life hard? Don't worry, it'll all be OK for you once you get to heaven."Or "Wow, you have that many kids? Maybe they'll grow up fast so you can find your own identity." Not that I would ever say those things, because it would be rude. I'm just saying that it would be nice if my pushy married friends (you know who you are), wouldn't treat me like I need to be fixed- by them. I bet God can handle that all by himself.

Three cheers to the good life, no matter your marital/parental status!