THEY'RE ALL SO CUTE.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Christmas Pictures
Caroling :)
Waiting to open presents- 23 people and counting... 
The Nativity Pagent with Nate's Family.
Shelly LOVED her new sewing machine.Friday, December 26, 2008
Randomness
Since there's not much else I can do today besides watch TV, I feel like I'm getting blog insanity, and I can't stop posting. Here are some thoughts I've had lately, or things people have said...
Comments
Rachel Demille: Are you getting something sparkly for Christmas? Me: I'd better not! I'm "official engagement" shy and it had better not happen for a long time. (Good job Nate, he's catching my vibes.)
Rick Grandy: What, you're dating someone and you didn't even have to call off an engagement or drop a mission call? Who knew. Me: Hey, I only broke up with ONE guy thank you very much, the others were either mutual, or mostly it was THEIR idea! And yes, miracle of miracles, I almost feel like a normal person in a dating relationship, without all the extra drama involved.
Katie Neil left a message on my phone: "Are you engaged? You'd better be! Don't let that freak you out, because he's a good man." Me: Shoot, it was just a message and I couldn't reply. I guess I'll have to call her back.
My Thoughts
The Word Boyfriend: I just don't like that word. It reminds me too much of being in second grade with people passing notes that say, "will you be my boyfriend?" This has, of course made it interesting when people try to figure out what to call "us." "Special friend" is even worse than boyfriend, but my cousin came up with the funniest one: "oh, so it's acquaintance that you happen to be holding hands with?" I usually just say, "this is the guy I'm dating."
Official Engagements: As stated above, and probably a million times to everyone around me- I can almost handle the idea of marriage, but planning a reception/luncheon/pictures/open-house about sends me into a panic attack. I've already planned that stuff, as well as a future with someone, and I am too burnt out to think about it. I have seriously warned my family that they might get a two week notice if I get married. Others have suggested eloping, and I would love it, except for the fact that my family would shoot me! I think if it ever comes to that again, I'll just show up and someone else can plan it all. OK, I do have an idea of what I want, but it's nothing that others would do... The title of wedding planner is up for grabs, anyone interested? Of course for some unknown future date, maybe. I'm still in the mindset that I don't see how anybody actually goes through with it. Maybe I should keep working on the idea of hope and faith!
Two "looks": I'm sure I'm not the only one in the world, but I have a cute look and a "swamp witch" look. When I go to work in the mornings, I wear grubby clothes, pony tail, no make up and glasses (I just cook and clean, who dresses up for that?). In the afternoons, I usually have my hair down, contacts, make up, and cute-r clothes. I was just thinking that some people only see my in the swampwitch look- like those I exercise with... and others have the great honor to see me in both! I swear my swampwitch look is more popular, at least lately since I'm still in the recovery mode from last week's sickness. There are people in this world that I've never seen in swampwitch mode. Is it just that they refuse to go out in public like that, or are they really always cute and adorable? Kudos to all of you adorable people, especially if you don't work hard at it! The rest of us just might show up in ugly clothes (especially when my teenage sisters are gone and don't oversee my attire), and *gasp* no make up!!! I hope you can deal with it.
Comments
Rachel Demille: Are you getting something sparkly for Christmas? Me: I'd better not! I'm "official engagement" shy and it had better not happen for a long time. (Good job Nate, he's catching my vibes.)
Rick Grandy: What, you're dating someone and you didn't even have to call off an engagement or drop a mission call? Who knew. Me: Hey, I only broke up with ONE guy thank you very much, the others were either mutual, or mostly it was THEIR idea! And yes, miracle of miracles, I almost feel like a normal person in a dating relationship, without all the extra drama involved.
Katie Neil left a message on my phone: "Are you engaged? You'd better be! Don't let that freak you out, because he's a good man." Me: Shoot, it was just a message and I couldn't reply. I guess I'll have to call her back.
My Thoughts
The Word Boyfriend: I just don't like that word. It reminds me too much of being in second grade with people passing notes that say, "will you be my boyfriend?" This has, of course made it interesting when people try to figure out what to call "us." "Special friend" is even worse than boyfriend, but my cousin came up with the funniest one: "oh, so it's acquaintance that you happen to be holding hands with?" I usually just say, "this is the guy I'm dating."
Official Engagements: As stated above, and probably a million times to everyone around me- I can almost handle the idea of marriage, but planning a reception/luncheon/pictures/open-house about sends me into a panic attack. I've already planned that stuff, as well as a future with someone, and I am too burnt out to think about it. I have seriously warned my family that they might get a two week notice if I get married. Others have suggested eloping, and I would love it, except for the fact that my family would shoot me! I think if it ever comes to that again, I'll just show up and someone else can plan it all. OK, I do have an idea of what I want, but it's nothing that others would do... The title of wedding planner is up for grabs, anyone interested? Of course for some unknown future date, maybe. I'm still in the mindset that I don't see how anybody actually goes through with it. Maybe I should keep working on the idea of hope and faith!
Two "looks": I'm sure I'm not the only one in the world, but I have a cute look and a "swamp witch" look. When I go to work in the mornings, I wear grubby clothes, pony tail, no make up and glasses (I just cook and clean, who dresses up for that?). In the afternoons, I usually have my hair down, contacts, make up, and cute-r clothes. I was just thinking that some people only see my in the swampwitch look- like those I exercise with... and others have the great honor to see me in both! I swear my swampwitch look is more popular, at least lately since I'm still in the recovery mode from last week's sickness. There are people in this world that I've never seen in swampwitch mode. Is it just that they refuse to go out in public like that, or are they really always cute and adorable? Kudos to all of you adorable people, especially if you don't work hard at it! The rest of us just might show up in ugly clothes (especially when my teenage sisters are gone and don't oversee my attire), and *gasp* no make up!!! I hope you can deal with it.
Man in My Life Tag.
I got this from a friend's blog. It used to be "Husband Tag", but I obviously had to change it a little.
1. Where did you meet? --- On a blind date, a week after I moved home- I guess you could say we met on a hike!
2. How long did you date before you were married?--- hm, I'll have to change this one to How long have you dated? On Dec. 23 it was 4 months.
3. How long have you been married? --- I guess I could change this to how long until you get married? NO CLUE. WE ARE NOT ENGAGED.
4. What does he do that surprises you? --- He brought me flowers after taking the retarded, stupid, all around ridiculous GRE. That was fantastic (the flowers, not the test for grad school).
5. What is his best feature? --- I love his hair, even though he hasn't let me cut it yet.
6. What is his best quality? --- The fact that he'll do anything for anybody. Sometimes he goes to the extreme, just so they'll be happy.
7. Does he have a nickname for you? --- We haven't quite decided on that one yet. We jokingly quote Oscar when Lisa says, "whatever you say, baby!" and Dr. Poole relishes the word saying, "Baby" and they run off all twitter-pated.
8. What is his favorite food? --- Anything with meat :P or chocolate, I definitely agree with this one :D
9. What is his favorite sport? --- Basketball, football, X-box, pretty much anything.
10. When and where was your first kiss? --- It's horrible, but I don't remember! Sometime before now. I just remember that he said he wouldn't kiss me until we'd been dating for months and months, but then the next week he shocked me with a peck on the lips :)
11. What is your favorite thing to do as a couple? --- I'd say hike when it's warm, or cuddle up and watch movies when it's cold.
12. Do you have any children? --- Heck NO! Isn't this a bit pushy? Let's see, what can I change it to? Do you have any... favorite places? Kolob Canyon. The stars are amazing there.
13. Does he have any hidden talents? --- I would say his laugh, but I'm pretty sure you can hear it a mile away, but hidden? Foot rubs. He's exceedingly good at those.
14. How old is he? --- Soooo old, he's 28 as of Dec. 8.
15. Who said I love you first? --- I think it was me. If I remember right, it was after one of our "almost break up days." After a day of being apart and feeling miserable about it, I figured that I loved him, told him so, and we got back together. Ahhh. (he says, "it was so you, most definitely, positively, sure, without a shadow of a doubt.")
16. What is his favorite music? --- The Beatles, and of course the Robinson Family Carolers. lol. He had to listen to us all day yesterday, as well as watch those crazy nieces and nephews of mine.
17. What do you admire most about him? --- Oh my, if giving someone shoulder rubs, feet rubs, medicine/orange juice, wet rags, and a quite place to sleep when they're sick isn't admirable, then I don't know what is! Not to mention driving that said sick person all the way home in a blizzard just to turn around and go back...
18. What is his favorite color? --- I swear I asked him this before... I think it's blue or green, at least in clothes.
19. Will he read this? --- Yes. Nate is a little freaked about blogs because it's here for all to see, so I'll make sure he proof reads it for "embarrassment protection." :D
I will now post this blog because Nate says it's fine. ha ha ha ha
1. Where did you meet? --- On a blind date, a week after I moved home- I guess you could say we met on a hike!
2. How long did you date before you were married?--- hm, I'll have to change this one to How long have you dated? On Dec. 23 it was 4 months.
3. How long have you been married? --- I guess I could change this to how long until you get married? NO CLUE. WE ARE NOT ENGAGED.
4. What does he do that surprises you? --- He brought me flowers after taking the retarded, stupid, all around ridiculous GRE. That was fantastic (the flowers, not the test for grad school).
5. What is his best feature? --- I love his hair, even though he hasn't let me cut it yet.
6. What is his best quality? --- The fact that he'll do anything for anybody. Sometimes he goes to the extreme, just so they'll be happy.
7. Does he have a nickname for you? --- We haven't quite decided on that one yet. We jokingly quote Oscar when Lisa says, "whatever you say, baby!" and Dr. Poole relishes the word saying, "Baby" and they run off all twitter-pated.
8. What is his favorite food? --- Anything with meat :P or chocolate, I definitely agree with this one :D
9. What is his favorite sport? --- Basketball, football, X-box, pretty much anything.
10. When and where was your first kiss? --- It's horrible, but I don't remember! Sometime before now. I just remember that he said he wouldn't kiss me until we'd been dating for months and months, but then the next week he shocked me with a peck on the lips :)
11. What is your favorite thing to do as a couple? --- I'd say hike when it's warm, or cuddle up and watch movies when it's cold.
12. Do you have any children? --- Heck NO! Isn't this a bit pushy? Let's see, what can I change it to? Do you have any... favorite places? Kolob Canyon. The stars are amazing there.
13. Does he have any hidden talents? --- I would say his laugh, but I'm pretty sure you can hear it a mile away, but hidden? Foot rubs. He's exceedingly good at those.
14. How old is he? --- Soooo old, he's 28 as of Dec. 8.
15. Who said I love you first? --- I think it was me. If I remember right, it was after one of our "almost break up days." After a day of being apart and feeling miserable about it, I figured that I loved him, told him so, and we got back together. Ahhh. (he says, "it was so you, most definitely, positively, sure, without a shadow of a doubt.")
16. What is his favorite music? --- The Beatles, and of course the Robinson Family Carolers. lol. He had to listen to us all day yesterday, as well as watch those crazy nieces and nephews of mine.
17. What do you admire most about him? --- Oh my, if giving someone shoulder rubs, feet rubs, medicine/orange juice, wet rags, and a quite place to sleep when they're sick isn't admirable, then I don't know what is! Not to mention driving that said sick person all the way home in a blizzard just to turn around and go back...
18. What is his favorite color? --- I swear I asked him this before... I think it's blue or green, at least in clothes.
19. Will he read this? --- Yes. Nate is a little freaked about blogs because it's here for all to see, so I'll make sure he proof reads it for "embarrassment protection." :D
I will now post this blog because Nate says it's fine. ha ha ha ha
Procrastination
I just got on my blog and realized that I haven't posted for almost a month. What can I say it's the holidays!!!
Anyway, I'm sitting here feeling grouchy and bummed because I was sick all through Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Christmas Night, and today. The only difference is that now I have a sore throat and swollen glands added to the fever/chills/headache/upset stomach I've had (they take turns, how thoughtful). But I did come up with something great about being sick during Christmas: I couldn't eat much, so instead of gaining 10 lbs, I think I've lost weight :)
I realized once again, that people/families treat sickness differently. I spend part of the holiday with Nate's family, and they were very thoughtful. They let me sleep in this closed off room, Nate rubbed my feet and refilled the wetness (how do you say that?) of the washrag for my face when I had a 102 fever, and then he piled coats and a blanket on me when I was chilled... At my family's house, I was still expected to sing for the CD (I guess I expected it of myself too), and there really wasn't a quiet place in Kathy's house (it's big so we were there instead of my mom's) because there's 7 grand kids running around now. I finally decided to just go home and sleep, but there was a blizzard and the electricity was off at my house :'( I think the philosophy for my family has always been to leave the sick one alone, so I definitely felt spoiled at the Bull-Porter's. How sweet.
Besides the sick part, Christmas was pretty fun. I've never lived close to a significant other's family, so opening presents twice in the same day was exciting. It was a long day because Nate's family got up at 6, and my family started opening at 11, but in the past it's been a week long event. My family would celebrate on a different day, so we'd have two Christmas Eves and two Christmases, then the Scott Family New Year's Party... Doubled on the same day wasn't so bad.
All in all I was very spoiled. Did you know that people give clothes for Christmas? I love it. That's one more difference between my family and probably the rest of the world. All of us have such different tastes that I don't think we trust each other with that. But all of the presents were too much. I definitely enjoyed being around everybody as well, pictures to come. Thankfully my bad mood didn't start until today!
Anyway, I'm sitting here feeling grouchy and bummed because I was sick all through Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Christmas Night, and today. The only difference is that now I have a sore throat and swollen glands added to the fever/chills/headache/upset stomach I've had (they take turns, how thoughtful). But I did come up with something great about being sick during Christmas: I couldn't eat much, so instead of gaining 10 lbs, I think I've lost weight :)
I realized once again, that people/families treat sickness differently. I spend part of the holiday with Nate's family, and they were very thoughtful. They let me sleep in this closed off room, Nate rubbed my feet and refilled the wetness (how do you say that?) of the washrag for my face when I had a 102 fever, and then he piled coats and a blanket on me when I was chilled... At my family's house, I was still expected to sing for the CD (I guess I expected it of myself too), and there really wasn't a quiet place in Kathy's house (it's big so we were there instead of my mom's) because there's 7 grand kids running around now. I finally decided to just go home and sleep, but there was a blizzard and the electricity was off at my house :'( I think the philosophy for my family has always been to leave the sick one alone, so I definitely felt spoiled at the Bull-Porter's. How sweet.
Besides the sick part, Christmas was pretty fun. I've never lived close to a significant other's family, so opening presents twice in the same day was exciting. It was a long day because Nate's family got up at 6, and my family started opening at 11, but in the past it's been a week long event. My family would celebrate on a different day, so we'd have two Christmas Eves and two Christmases, then the Scott Family New Year's Party... Doubled on the same day wasn't so bad.
All in all I was very spoiled. Did you know that people give clothes for Christmas? I love it. That's one more difference between my family and probably the rest of the world. All of us have such different tastes that I don't think we trust each other with that. But all of the presents were too much. I definitely enjoyed being around everybody as well, pictures to come. Thankfully my bad mood didn't start until today!
Friday, December 19, 2008
Weekend on Ice.
For Nate's Birthday (Dec. 12), we went to a hockey game and ice skating. He was hilarious! It was just like seeing a little kid at Christmas, especially when the BYU Hockey Players got in fist fights with the Aggies :) I always appreciate any team that beats BYU, and Utah State won 4 to 0. Wahoo!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
A New Baby Joins the Robinson Clan!
My sister Kathy just had her baby two days before Thanksgiving, and we still had the festivities at her house! Yes, she is insane... Bryce and Kathy finally decided on the name Aaron Thomas Caine. He's of course adorable and pretty peaceful, since there was constant chaos around him, but rarely woke up.
Elina had a cold but wouldn't put on a mask, so she saw him from a distance. She couldn't see what all the fuss was about, because she's seen a lot of babies before. I don't think it's quite sunk in that he's here to stay.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Updates.
Here are the updates on my life.
Work: I'm much more used to my job. Either I got used to using less of my brain, or I slowed down enough to enjoy it. Breaking my watch turned out to be a good thing for that. Hyrum is a fun kid, but it's like watching an overgrown 2 year old! At least I haven't been hit (very hard at least) for awhile.
Dating Life: Yes I am still dating Nathan Bull. NO WE ARE NOT ENGAGED, though my cousin, who went on his first date the same day that we did, is now engaged. I know I live in UT, but how would it work to be married and have a blog called "A Day in the Life of a Single Mormon?" There are lots of things to work through before then... but I'm sure I'll let all of you know if it happens.
Education: I borrowed "War and Peace" from the library, and so far I've read two pages. It's been exciting, because instead of skimming it like I did for college books, I'm taking time to look up words I don't understand; and I looked up the coordinates for Malta and Moldova yesterday. I feel my brain expanding already :D I'm still not sure about where to go next in the schooling part of education yet, but it'll come.
Family: My siblings say that I'm the grouchiest one in the whole family. I was quite sad, but then I decided that they interpret negativity as being grouchy. Can I help it if I have a million sad stories to one good one? I guess I should start looking for happy stories instead of those dealing with the government, health care, suicide, and domestic violence. Hey, the gas prices are going down!!! It's been a happy two weeks as I watch them drop every day. Too bad the money doesn't pile up from the savings as fast. lol
Pictures: I'm sorry, but you'll just have to read these blogs. I'm pretty sure I look about the same as the pictures in previous posts :-) More pictures will be posted, I promise. The reason there aren't many at the moment is that I keep forgetting my camera. There's been fun times like Nate's sister's & mom's play, and his family getting together for Pre-Thanksgiving goodness.
Holidays: Have you ever tried to get to two families for two holidays? This should be interesting. I'm thinking we can eat at mine for Thanksgiving lunch, then left-overs at Nate's Thanksgiving. For Christmas I'm thinking we'll spend early Christmas Eve with mine, Later Christmas Eve/morning with his (we never open presents until at least 10 am) and Christmas afternoon with mine. That way I can make it for the recording of the family CD (I really hope we blend better this time). Again, this should be interesting.
Work: I'm much more used to my job. Either I got used to using less of my brain, or I slowed down enough to enjoy it. Breaking my watch turned out to be a good thing for that. Hyrum is a fun kid, but it's like watching an overgrown 2 year old! At least I haven't been hit (very hard at least) for awhile.
Dating Life: Yes I am still dating Nathan Bull. NO WE ARE NOT ENGAGED, though my cousin, who went on his first date the same day that we did, is now engaged. I know I live in UT, but how would it work to be married and have a blog called "A Day in the Life of a Single Mormon?" There are lots of things to work through before then... but I'm sure I'll let all of you know if it happens.
Education: I borrowed "War and Peace" from the library, and so far I've read two pages. It's been exciting, because instead of skimming it like I did for college books, I'm taking time to look up words I don't understand; and I looked up the coordinates for Malta and Moldova yesterday. I feel my brain expanding already :D I'm still not sure about where to go next in the schooling part of education yet, but it'll come.
Family: My siblings say that I'm the grouchiest one in the whole family. I was quite sad, but then I decided that they interpret negativity as being grouchy. Can I help it if I have a million sad stories to one good one? I guess I should start looking for happy stories instead of those dealing with the government, health care, suicide, and domestic violence. Hey, the gas prices are going down!!! It's been a happy two weeks as I watch them drop every day. Too bad the money doesn't pile up from the savings as fast. lol
Pictures: I'm sorry, but you'll just have to read these blogs. I'm pretty sure I look about the same as the pictures in previous posts :-) More pictures will be posted, I promise. The reason there aren't many at the moment is that I keep forgetting my camera. There's been fun times like Nate's sister's & mom's play, and his family getting together for Pre-Thanksgiving goodness.
Holidays: Have you ever tried to get to two families for two holidays? This should be interesting. I'm thinking we can eat at mine for Thanksgiving lunch, then left-overs at Nate's Thanksgiving. For Christmas I'm thinking we'll spend early Christmas Eve with mine, Later Christmas Eve/morning with his (we never open presents until at least 10 am) and Christmas afternoon with mine. That way I can make it for the recording of the family CD (I really hope we blend better this time). Again, this should be interesting.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
I am thankful for...
Ok, I am more than officially sick and tired of seeing Christmas commercials, hearing Christmas music, and even seeing Christmas decorations.... this early in the year! I actually love all of it, as long as it's AFTER THANKSGIVING. It just seems so commercialized lately. The second midnight strikes on Halloween out comes the junk (commercials), to get you to buy more junk! Because of this, I am determined to think of things I am thankful for, before I think of all the presents I want.
I am thankful for:
I am thankful for:
- Being rich. Actually I feel really poor most of the time, but honestly you have to admit that "poor" in this country is actually extremely rich to a person living in a third world country.
- Where would I be without running water, electricity, a heater, humidifiers, and all of that other stuff that "rich" people have?
- The Atonement and all that Christ's sacrifice encompasses- as well as the sacrament, and temple ordinances that remind me of the Atonement.
- My cute little family- my babies (e.g. three youngest siblings still at home) are growing up :,( I'm glad I get to be here to witness the transformation, instead of seeing them only a few times a year and being shocked by it!!!
- Friends, even if most of them are miles and miles away. Yeah for "Facebook" and Blogs!
- Friends who live nearby. Sorry I don't see you guys as often as I should.
- Scriptures- My first true love.
- Education- even if it is a different kind than expected.
- Books! I'm getting into Classics again.
- Prophets. I've listened to Pres. Monson's General Conference Talks a few times, and WOW What a blessing to have him here to guide us.
- Callings. I still don't have one, including VT (I've learned that things go a lot slower in family wards because they don't expect you to be gone in four months), and I'm realizing how nice it is to serve in the church.
- Oh, how could I forget the great blessing of having someone nice to date? Even if we spend a lot of time freaking out, at least we're freaking out together :)
- HEALTH. I'm mostly healthy right now, and it's a fantastic feeling.
- Teenagers who help me dress. I wasn't aware that I had such bad fashion sense, until I moved home and asked how I looked!
- Dreams and goals. I love to plan things, and even if it doesn't happen, at least I got the joy of planning, dreaming, and making the goal.
- Working with people in a job that isn't rushed and stressful.
- Nice weather. I'm glad I can still pick up Hyrum (the boy I work with) at the bus without wearing 20 layers.
- Taking time to watch the wind blow through the trees, or being able to see an entire sunset is something I haven't done for years. Now my life is scaled back and I can do the simple things.
- Laughing!
- Hip Hop Abs, Tiebo, Yoga for Beginners, and Paola who has all of the above :D
- Cashflow(a game to help you understand finances). Someday I'll finish it in a 1/2 hour!
- Inside jokes. It doesn't matter who it's with, they're always fun to have.
- Road Trips. As always, traveling is one of my favorite things to do.
- Hikes, especially the crazy but memorable ones.
- Not being ticklish! I can definitely use that to my benefit.
- Gardens. It's always nice to have fresh fruit/vegetables.
- Traditions, for holidays and other times.
- Music. Although I am rebellious and don't attend ward choir, caroling is still one of my favorite things to do.
- Meeting new people. Love it, enough said.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Education- does anybody have an answer?
The topic of education is always an interesting subject in my family. Out of 9 children, Emily, Skot, Kristy, & Kathy have only gone to public school. I went to a private religious school for two years (my favorite pre-college times), and was a wanna-be-homeschooler. Sheri, Cindy, Annie, and Darren did homeschool for 1-9 years. Emily and Darren are now in Success Academy, which is a program for kids to get their Associates Degree by the time they graduate from high school.
With that background, you can see why unusual questions are asked around the house. One of the homeschoolers will ask the public schoolers how they feel about their education, and if they're actually taking time to learn something instead of just getting a good grade. My grandpa (a die-hard public school teacher) will ask my homeschooled sister if she's going to do as well on a standardized test as the public schooled sister. It goes on and on. One thing that will be nice for my nieces and nephews is that my parents won't pressure their grandchildren like my grandpa does. They've let us choose which direction we want to go, and I doubt that will change with the next generation.
The thought that brought this topic up on my mind is that in some ways I feel like I've been jipped in my own education. I can do Algebra, and I know what the Null Hypothesis is, but the other day somebody asked me a simple multiplication/money question, and I couldn't do it in my head! Another thing that makes me question my own education, is that the family I work for is VERY pro-homeschool and mostly anti-public school (the Demilles founded George Wythe, an intense private school). To add to that, I'm also thinking of getting my teaching certification, if I stay in the Cedar City area. I had a day dream the other day about being a high school history teacher. I don't even know how I feel about public school, yet I want to be a teacher? Maybe being a teacher in a boarding school for "troubled youth" would work. It would combine teaching with psychology/social work.
I find myself asking the homeschool question, whether I'm really learning or just doing things for the grade. The answer is that I've done both, and now I get to back track. It reminds me of a saying from my favorite professor: "Don't let school get in the way of your education." To me that means that being educated is more than filling out multiple choice questions correctly. My main question is that since I don't feel extremely educated, how do I go back and get that now? I have a degree, but I still have so much to learn.
I guess it's a good thing I don't have kids yet, because I can't decide which way to go for them. I honestly don't think that any one educational theory is completely correct. Homeschool, public, private, charter. Isn't there a way to combine all of these ideations into one???? What do I do about my own education????? Anyone?
With that background, you can see why unusual questions are asked around the house. One of the homeschoolers will ask the public schoolers how they feel about their education, and if they're actually taking time to learn something instead of just getting a good grade. My grandpa (a die-hard public school teacher) will ask my homeschooled sister if she's going to do as well on a standardized test as the public schooled sister. It goes on and on. One thing that will be nice for my nieces and nephews is that my parents won't pressure their grandchildren like my grandpa does. They've let us choose which direction we want to go, and I doubt that will change with the next generation.
The thought that brought this topic up on my mind is that in some ways I feel like I've been jipped in my own education. I can do Algebra, and I know what the Null Hypothesis is, but the other day somebody asked me a simple multiplication/money question, and I couldn't do it in my head! Another thing that makes me question my own education, is that the family I work for is VERY pro-homeschool and mostly anti-public school (the Demilles founded George Wythe, an intense private school). To add to that, I'm also thinking of getting my teaching certification, if I stay in the Cedar City area. I had a day dream the other day about being a high school history teacher. I don't even know how I feel about public school, yet I want to be a teacher? Maybe being a teacher in a boarding school for "troubled youth" would work. It would combine teaching with psychology/social work.
I find myself asking the homeschool question, whether I'm really learning or just doing things for the grade. The answer is that I've done both, and now I get to back track. It reminds me of a saying from my favorite professor: "Don't let school get in the way of your education." To me that means that being educated is more than filling out multiple choice questions correctly. My main question is that since I don't feel extremely educated, how do I go back and get that now? I have a degree, but I still have so much to learn.
I guess it's a good thing I don't have kids yet, because I can't decide which way to go for them. I honestly don't think that any one educational theory is completely correct. Homeschool, public, private, charter. Isn't there a way to combine all of these ideations into one???? What do I do about my own education????? Anyone?
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Dancing the Night Away
I forgot how much fun it was to go to a dance. On Nov. 8th Cedar City had a ball for its birthday celebration, and we went to it with Paola and Zack Garrison! I attended one in the past where it was a formal affair, but this time all of the students came in jeans and t-shirts. We were some of the few who dressed up. Poor guys, they were embarrassed, but I didn't mind at all. I felt spoiled because I got to wear my dress-up-dress, and somebody else did my hair and makeup (thanks Paola). Then there's the fact that Nate and Zack don't really like to dance, yet they came anyway. How sweet :)
Twirling, sort of. 
Twirling, sort of. 
SUU Ballroom Dance Team.
Monday, November 10, 2008
TV shows
A wonderful event blessed the world in September, and few people probably realized it. All 8 seasons of "The Cosby Show" were released! 
I've now decided that it is my favorite TV show of all time. What other one is so clean, family oriented, hilarious, and meaningful? Poor Nate has had to watch quite a few episodes with me, because I wasn't feeling up to much more than vegging on the couch for the past week or so. What a good sport :) My family, on the other hand has seen more episodes than I have even though I'm the one who bought Season 8! I'm also really liking "Psych." Once again, it's funny. But there is a lot of language if you don't have TVG... What is your favorite TV show and why? 
I've now decided that it is my favorite TV show of all time. What other one is so clean, family oriented, hilarious, and meaningful? Poor Nate has had to watch quite a few episodes with me, because I wasn't feeling up to much more than vegging on the couch for the past week or so. What a good sport :) My family, on the other hand has seen more episodes than I have even though I'm the one who bought Season 8! I'm also really liking "Psych." Once again, it's funny. But there is a lot of language if you don't have TVG... What is your favorite TV show and why? 
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Tag, I AM,
Sorry everyone, I don't write for awhile, then it all comes at once.
I AM:I am: a daughter of God.
I know: My Father Lives
I want: to never be sick again.
I have: a fantastico familia
I dislike: meat, unless it's a good texture, don't ask me how to explain it because I don't know.
I miss: being 4, that was a fun year.
I feel: like I should go to sleep.
I hear: a footstep upstairs, and Annie rambling in my ear.
I smell: nothing, congestion takes the joy of that away.
I crave: Raspberry Deluxe, *hint hint* mom.
I cry: over stupid boys, but not lately! Thanks Nate :D
I search: the scriptures daily, thanks for that one Annie.
I wonder: why animals like cats and dogs won't leave someone who doesn't like them, alone???
I regret: more things than I don't regret.
I love: my mommy, thanks for that idea mom. What would I do without people here to help me?
I care: about poor people (inside joke, but I think I'm the only one who gets it).
I worry: about Emily's non-sleeping habits.
I remember: when it rained, apparently I danced around in it once, but the memory escapes me, thanks again mom ;)
I believe: in the sun even when it is not shining- that's a good song.
I dance: in the rain :D but I actually went to a dance last night, yipee for me.
I don't: understand people sometimes.
I argue: sometimes just to argue. Arguing about silly things is SOMETIMES fun.
I write: in my journal, or at least I made it a new goal.
I win: The love of Annie when I don't make fun of her spelling. but actually, I win!
I lose: keys and anything else that's small, Emily's trust when I make fun of her sleeping habits, and at card games once in awhile.
I wish: Emily would stop complaining and just go to sleep! But seriously I wish we would all share (by choice not governmental decree), so poverty would be eradicated from the world.
I listen: to normal music, NO CHRISTMAS MUSIC ALLOWED until AFTER Thanksgiving.
I can usually be found: with people.
I am scared: of the "E" word, the "M" word, but no longer am I scared of the "L" word.
I need: sinus spray, like Joy said.
I forget: Names, about 3 seconds after someone tells me theirs.
I am happy: right now, and I'd like to thank those who made this Tag possible, Annie, Emily and Mom. Without them my world would be a "dreary walk alone as an Orphan." I'd also like to thank the Cosby Show for providing the inspirational quotes for my life.
Tag, you're it!
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Pressure in the head, Part 2.
Never mind about visiting the doctor... I'll have to wait until next Friday, i.e. payday! Any ideas on home remedies until then?
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
The Infamous Sombrero
This is the sombrero that started it all... Nate didn't realize what he was getting himself into when I said I like to hike. On our first date he planned a short, hour or so hike; but when he mentioned that he liked the Kolob Arch hike, I jumped at the chance. I didn't have a hat, but Nate's roommate had jokingly left this in his truck. He probably wasn't serious when he offered it to me, but to me it looked like plenty of shade!
The hike ended up being about eight hours, and to say we weren't prepared is an understatement. We only had a couple of granola bars (but tons of water thank goodness), I got blisters and started walking in bare feet (this was even more fun when we saw the horse poop covering the trail), and finished hiking in the dark without a flashlight. Who knew there were other hikers as crazy as me???
This was one of my most favorite hikes :D It's always fun to be with someone who can joke and laugh when things go wrong. Pressure in the Head
Well, I'm over the whining about still being single, or should I say everyone else being married... big deal if our lives are different! Lately my thoughts are consumed with trying to breathe through my nose, and getting the pressure off of my face! After 2 weeks of feeling miserable, I've finally succumbed to the idea that I should go see a doctor. This is a momentous occasion, because the last time I went to a doctors' office for sickness was when I was 15 or so. I've been proud of the fact that I don't even know any doctor's names because I'm "so healthy," until today. I figure that I have a sinus infection, which sounds pretty harmless. The problem is that I looked it up online and the article said you can die from it if the infection gets to your brain, or the infection can simply eat away your frontal bone. Neither of these options sound good to me. I guess it's time to pay attention to the messages on the over-the-counter-meds (which haven't put a dent in the pressure), that say to call a doctor if the symptoms last longer than a week (which mine have).
Does anyone know any doctors in the Cedar City area????? Besides not knowing any names, does anyone know how much it costs for a doctor visit if you don't have insurance????? This is pathetic, but I guess I'd like to stay alive... so I'm going.
Does anyone know any doctors in the Cedar City area????? Besides not knowing any names, does anyone know how much it costs for a doctor visit if you don't have insurance????? This is pathetic, but I guess I'd like to stay alive... so I'm going.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Stuck
This past week I've been feeling kind of left behind. Most people I know are married and have a couple of kids... I actually did think of two people who were in young women's with me who aren't married yet, but we aren't that close of friends so it doesn't count! It's like I got to the single stage of life then never moved on. While I've been sitting here at the 1 mile marker on the road of life, everyone else found the carpool lane, found a great spouse, who has a great job, and they've started their blissful family life... Wait, it's not LIKE that, it IS that. I miss Provo for one simple reason, (believe me this is the ONLY reason, I have a gazillion more reasons to be glad I'm out of there) and that is that my visiting teaching partner/teachees were all my age and still single. Here my hang out friends, group date people, people I work with (ok, I work for a family, and the parents are married), and even most Facebook buddies are all married. Not that marriage is a bad thing, it's just that sometimes I wish I were living in a different state where it is normal to get married in your late 20's.
I have no idea why things haven't exactly worked out as planned. I planned so many things it's ridiculous to look back on, and yet here I am making no money, living at my mom's, and oh no- still single. I guess I'm destined to get breast cancer and have down syndrome babies (from having babies after the "safe" age). Oh what a life I lead.
PS I'm actually really liking my life at the moment, until I look at everyone else and what they have. You "marrieds" really should be grateful to have families. If you want to reply that I should enjoy my single life while I have it, I have a few words for you: 10 years in a Single's Ward. Which would you rather?????
I have no idea why things haven't exactly worked out as planned. I planned so many things it's ridiculous to look back on, and yet here I am making no money, living at my mom's, and oh no- still single. I guess I'm destined to get breast cancer and have down syndrome babies (from having babies after the "safe" age). Oh what a life I lead.
PS I'm actually really liking my life at the moment, until I look at everyone else and what they have. You "marrieds" really should be grateful to have families. If you want to reply that I should enjoy my single life while I have it, I have a few words for you: 10 years in a Single's Ward. Which would you rather?????
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
IF I KNEW
I went to a funeral of an 18 year old on Saturday, and later I found this poem. It's from a general conference talk a few sessions ago, and it really hits home. A Spanish speaking brother gave the talk, and I remembered the accent as I read it:
~~~~
" I recently read a text which expresses the urgency of not leaving for tomorrow what you can do today. In July of this year Brazil witnessed the most devastating aircraft accident in its history. There were 199 people killed, including passengers, airline workers, crew members, and others who were at the site when the accident happened. The text I mentioned was said to have been posted on the airline communication board by the husband of one of the flight attendants who died in the accident. It is entitled "Tomorrow Never Comes" and is based upon a poem by Norma Cornett Marek.
Tomorrow Never Comes
If I knew this would be the last time I would watch you sleep,I would hug you tighter. I would plead with the Lord to protect you.If I knew this would be the last time I saw you walk out the door,I would hug and kiss you and call you back to hug and kiss you one more time.
If I knew this would be the last time I would hear your voice in prayer,I would record every gesture, every look, every smile, every one of your words,So that I could listen to it later, day after day.
If I knew this would be the last time, I would spend an extra minute or two to tell you, "I love you," instead of assuming you already knew it.
If I knew this would be our last time, our last moment, I would be by your side, spending the day with you instead of thinking,"Well, I'm sure other opportunities will come, so I can let this day go by."
Of course there will be a day to revise things, And we would have a second chance to do things right. Oh, of course there will be another day for us to say, "I love you."And certainly there will be another chance to tell each other, "Can I help with anything?"
But in my case, there isn't one!
I don't have you here with me, and today is the last day we have—our farewell.
Therefore I would like to say how much I love you,
And I hope you never forget it.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old.Today might be your last chance to hold tight to the hand of the one you love and show all you feel.
If you are waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? Because if tomorrow never comes, you certainly will regret for the rest of your life
Not having spent some extra time for a smile, a conversation, a hug, a kiss,Because you were too busy to give that person what ended up being their last wish.
Then hug tight today the one you love, your friends, your family, and whisper in their ears how much you love them and want them close to you.
Use your time to say,
"I'm sorry,"
"Please,"
"Forgive me,"
"Thank you,"
Or even,
"That was nothing,"
"It's all right,"
Because if tomorrow never comes, you will not have to regret today.
The past doesn't come back, and the future might not come!"
("Don't Leave for Tomorrow What You Can Do Today" Elder Claudio R. M. Costa. Oct. 2007 General Conference.)
~~~~~
The kid that died (I didn't know him but went to support a friend) was only 5 months older than my little sister, Annie . I called her that day and told her that she wasn't allowed to die. I once again- speak the spot of dying first, before anyone else that I'm close to! Nobody forget that.
C
~~~~
" I recently read a text which expresses the urgency of not leaving for tomorrow what you can do today. In July of this year Brazil witnessed the most devastating aircraft accident in its history. There were 199 people killed, including passengers, airline workers, crew members, and others who were at the site when the accident happened. The text I mentioned was said to have been posted on the airline communication board by the husband of one of the flight attendants who died in the accident. It is entitled "Tomorrow Never Comes" and is based upon a poem by Norma Cornett Marek.
Tomorrow Never Comes
If I knew this would be the last time I would watch you sleep,I would hug you tighter. I would plead with the Lord to protect you.If I knew this would be the last time I saw you walk out the door,I would hug and kiss you and call you back to hug and kiss you one more time.
If I knew this would be the last time I would hear your voice in prayer,I would record every gesture, every look, every smile, every one of your words,So that I could listen to it later, day after day.
If I knew this would be the last time, I would spend an extra minute or two to tell you, "I love you," instead of assuming you already knew it.
If I knew this would be our last time, our last moment, I would be by your side, spending the day with you instead of thinking,"Well, I'm sure other opportunities will come, so I can let this day go by."
Of course there will be a day to revise things, And we would have a second chance to do things right. Oh, of course there will be another day for us to say, "I love you."And certainly there will be another chance to tell each other, "Can I help with anything?"
But in my case, there isn't one!
I don't have you here with me, and today is the last day we have—our farewell.
Therefore I would like to say how much I love you,
And I hope you never forget it.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old.Today might be your last chance to hold tight to the hand of the one you love and show all you feel.
If you are waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? Because if tomorrow never comes, you certainly will regret for the rest of your life
Not having spent some extra time for a smile, a conversation, a hug, a kiss,Because you were too busy to give that person what ended up being their last wish.
Then hug tight today the one you love, your friends, your family, and whisper in their ears how much you love them and want them close to you.
Use your time to say,
"I'm sorry,"
"Please,"
"Forgive me,"
"Thank you,"
Or even,
"That was nothing,"
"It's all right,"
Because if tomorrow never comes, you will not have to regret today.
The past doesn't come back, and the future might not come!"
("Don't Leave for Tomorrow What You Can Do Today" Elder Claudio R. M. Costa. Oct. 2007 General Conference.)
~~~~~
The kid that died (I didn't know him but went to support a friend) was only 5 months older than my little sister, Annie . I called her that day and told her that she wasn't allowed to die. I once again- speak the spot of dying first, before anyone else that I'm close to! Nobody forget that.
C
Monday, October 6, 2008
The Real World- is anybody prepared for this?
I've come to appreciate what mothers do more than I ever have before. I now have a job working with little 6 year old boy in a wheel chair. I pick him up after school, feed and diaper him, then we spend the rest of the evening outside singing kid songs at the top of our lungs. He's fixated on Eensy Weensy Spider, and the Hokey Pokey right now. I think I've now sung these songs 5 gazillion times, and it's only been two weeks :) The parents of the boy aren't doing well physically, so I've also started going in the mornings to cook the (eight) kids breakfast and clean up the house a little.
Realizations: College doesn't prepare someone for being a mom! In the last two weeks I've felt like my brain was slowly melting away. I swear I had a bigger vocabulary last week. In college you get satisfaction from doing well, and little rewards like completing small assignments, doing well on a test, and getting a good grade. Besides that there's interaction with people who discuss ideas from the centuries, which then promotes mind growth and intellectual enlightenment. How does that prepare you for the Hokey Pokey? We need something that shows us small and simple ways to still feel like an adult with a personality and brain, when all we do is spend our days cooking/diapering/singing/throwing a ball.
Yes, I am very aware that these aren't my kids, but I've been doing a "mother type" role for an eensy weensy bit of time and I wonder how real moms do it? I also know that not every mother has a six year old that likes to hit you in the face when you're changing his diaper (he broke one person's nose, but so far all I have is a scratch under my eye). So, moms, I think you're basically amazing, and I'd like some ideas for ways to still use my brain!!!!
Another thing college didn't prepare me for: making big breakfasts. All I do is breakfast, and so far it's been a 50/50 chance of getting something that actually worked out. The German pancake was great, but the scrambled eggs were thrown in the garbage once I tasted them :P I'm a pro at microwaved eggs for ONE. Cooking dinner every night for a family has always been a concern for me, because 1. it's been awhile since I cooked for more than one person. 2. I eat strange food that nobody else thinks palatable (microwaved eggs for instance). Then there's the fact that the guy I'm dating adores meat and would eat steak every day if he could. I feel more and more like a vegetarian (I like fish and chicken sooo much better than red meat) day by day. I'm feeilng ill prepared for this real world stuff. I'm much better at writing papers and taking tests.
The cleaning part of my job is all good. I've been a janitor, and worked in a group home where the blinds were cleaned weekly. At least in one eensy weensy, itty bitty way I'm prepared for real life.
Really though, send me some advice on keeping your brain alive once life changes!!!! Does anyone want to discuss the economical theory of religion with me? How about the benefits of the NEO Personality Inventory versus the Judging/Perceiving type? Anyone?
Realizations: College doesn't prepare someone for being a mom! In the last two weeks I've felt like my brain was slowly melting away. I swear I had a bigger vocabulary last week. In college you get satisfaction from doing well, and little rewards like completing small assignments, doing well on a test, and getting a good grade. Besides that there's interaction with people who discuss ideas from the centuries, which then promotes mind growth and intellectual enlightenment. How does that prepare you for the Hokey Pokey? We need something that shows us small and simple ways to still feel like an adult with a personality and brain, when all we do is spend our days cooking/diapering/singing/throwing a ball.
Yes, I am very aware that these aren't my kids, but I've been doing a "mother type" role for an eensy weensy bit of time and I wonder how real moms do it? I also know that not every mother has a six year old that likes to hit you in the face when you're changing his diaper (he broke one person's nose, but so far all I have is a scratch under my eye). So, moms, I think you're basically amazing, and I'd like some ideas for ways to still use my brain!!!!
Another thing college didn't prepare me for: making big breakfasts. All I do is breakfast, and so far it's been a 50/50 chance of getting something that actually worked out. The German pancake was great, but the scrambled eggs were thrown in the garbage once I tasted them :P I'm a pro at microwaved eggs for ONE. Cooking dinner every night for a family has always been a concern for me, because 1. it's been awhile since I cooked for more than one person. 2. I eat strange food that nobody else thinks palatable (microwaved eggs for instance). Then there's the fact that the guy I'm dating adores meat and would eat steak every day if he could. I feel more and more like a vegetarian (I like fish and chicken sooo much better than red meat) day by day. I'm feeilng ill prepared for this real world stuff. I'm much better at writing papers and taking tests.
The cleaning part of my job is all good. I've been a janitor, and worked in a group home where the blinds were cleaned weekly. At least in one eensy weensy, itty bitty way I'm prepared for real life.
Really though, send me some advice on keeping your brain alive once life changes!!!! Does anyone want to discuss the economical theory of religion with me? How about the benefits of the NEO Personality Inventory versus the Judging/Perceiving type? Anyone?
Sigh
Why is it that people think it's OK to joke with me about getting engaged? I am still dating a certain person, but the word engagement still makes me gag and want to throw up! You would think that after my "lovely dating history" people would just not say stuff, but I guess not.
The story isn't really that bad, but if it wasn't my grandma I'd be mad. I went to my grandma's during the Priesthood Session of General Conference and she was showing me how to quilt. She is one amazing lady, because she makes ginormous hand quilted quilts for weddings (2 months of work), and small baby quilts for the new babies in the family (1 week to make). With 37 (?) grand kids it's pretty time consuming. In the time it took me to quilt about 5 inches, she had three rows done. How do they do it? Anyway, back to the story: I asked if anyone was engaged because she just attended my cousin's wedding, and she said something about nobody but the possibility of me :/ It's only been about a month and 1/2, come on!!!
The problem with the engagement joking is that the word alone makes my stomach knot up and I feel like puking. I know that others have had positive experiences with engagements/dating/marriage, and I'm really hoping it's a possibility for me, but so far in my life any time it came near to getting that serious, life became unbearable. I remember when I was officially engaged to Luke, I went for a month feeling sick to my stomach, and feeling anxiety/stress at the thought of any marriage plans. We were engaged for two more months after that before I finally broke it off. It could be that those feelings were the "stupor of thought" talked about in the scriptures, and I felt like that because it wasn't right, but still I'd rather not go through that again.
So, in case you feel like asking me if I'm engaged yet, I'm putting off that word for as long as humanly possible. And if you actually do ask that, expect a glare or two. Is it possible to get married without being engaged? That would be the ideal :D Maybe I'll just change the word to
. . . nice calm relaxing time before a person gets sealed? Yah, it doesn't help. I always thought eloping was a great idea (to the temple of course).
The story isn't really that bad, but if it wasn't my grandma I'd be mad. I went to my grandma's during the Priesthood Session of General Conference and she was showing me how to quilt. She is one amazing lady, because she makes ginormous hand quilted quilts for weddings (2 months of work), and small baby quilts for the new babies in the family (1 week to make). With 37 (?) grand kids it's pretty time consuming. In the time it took me to quilt about 5 inches, she had three rows done. How do they do it? Anyway, back to the story: I asked if anyone was engaged because she just attended my cousin's wedding, and she said something about nobody but the possibility of me :/ It's only been about a month and 1/2, come on!!!
The problem with the engagement joking is that the word alone makes my stomach knot up and I feel like puking. I know that others have had positive experiences with engagements/dating/marriage, and I'm really hoping it's a possibility for me, but so far in my life any time it came near to getting that serious, life became unbearable. I remember when I was officially engaged to Luke, I went for a month feeling sick to my stomach, and feeling anxiety/stress at the thought of any marriage plans. We were engaged for two more months after that before I finally broke it off. It could be that those feelings were the "stupor of thought" talked about in the scriptures, and I felt like that because it wasn't right, but still I'd rather not go through that again.
So, in case you feel like asking me if I'm engaged yet, I'm putting off that word for as long as humanly possible. And if you actually do ask that, expect a glare or two. Is it possible to get married without being engaged? That would be the ideal :D Maybe I'll just change the word to
. . . nice calm relaxing time before a person gets sealed? Yah, it doesn't help. I always thought eloping was a great idea (to the temple of course).
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Normal for a day.
That title is of course ambiguous, because normal for me probably isn't normal for everyone else... I am feeling pretty content right now, and I haven't had any huge emotional roller coaster ride for a few minutes so I figured it was a good time to write.
Right now I'm just wondering about plans, as in "Why does Heavenly Father always seem to have different plans than I do, and why does it take me so long to figure out what HIS plans are??? " Really, I knew that once I moved out of Utah Valley it would be an interesting ride, but this isn't exactly what I pictured. Sometimes, let's face it, I just like my plans better. I was all set to move to FL, then AK, then Grad School. Then I moved home, realized that I like this place (I love the memories and traditions that I've missed out on for the last few years), then I called FL and realized I don't like that place as much (having to work on Sundays and live in co-ed housing broke the fantasy bubble a little). I then decided to find a job here in the Cedar City area... only there ARE no jobs in the Cedar City area. Even though I've graduated, the job market is the same as it used to be, only I can't get a student job anymore :( Right about now, after two or so weeks of job searching and finding nothing, I'm really thinking I like my own plan better. I'll just have to wait it out to see the final result of trying to do God's will. Of course there's little tender mercies all around me, and it's been great fun to be here. I just hope something changes before my savings runs out.
Another thing that's normal: I've found another adventurous place to live! There's a KOA campground in Cedar City, and they have a sign saying "student housing available." I could just picture somebody living in a KOA Kabin and I had to call! They actually have RV's to rent by the month, and if I wasn't living at home I'd be all for it. I guess first I'll have to find a job, then move in. If that happens, I'll be right over the fence from my sister Kathy. I want to laugh every time I think about it, because it's like the Indian movie we watched yesterday. The rich live on one side of the fence (she's looking to buy a huge house with about 6 bedrooms), and the dirt- poor people live on the other side. Wow we're in different points in our lives, and yes, once again, I am the older but more crazy sister. It somehow reminds me of our old apartments. My little siblings would come to my house and jump off the walls, dancing and singing, even though I stressed the thinness of the walls and our poor neighbors who had to listen to us. Then they'd go to Kathy's apartment and sit quietly on her couch, asking her how her day went. FYI: You're all invited to a party at the RV place, but of course only one of you can fit inside at a time. LOL.
...
I just tried to find a pic. of an RV, but who knows if it's "stealing bandwidth?" I guess I won't risk it. Just picture a great big RV right in this spot and me laughing uproariously about it.
Right now I'm just wondering about plans, as in "Why does Heavenly Father always seem to have different plans than I do, and why does it take me so long to figure out what HIS plans are??? " Really, I knew that once I moved out of Utah Valley it would be an interesting ride, but this isn't exactly what I pictured. Sometimes, let's face it, I just like my plans better. I was all set to move to FL, then AK, then Grad School. Then I moved home, realized that I like this place (I love the memories and traditions that I've missed out on for the last few years), then I called FL and realized I don't like that place as much (having to work on Sundays and live in co-ed housing broke the fantasy bubble a little). I then decided to find a job here in the Cedar City area... only there ARE no jobs in the Cedar City area. Even though I've graduated, the job market is the same as it used to be, only I can't get a student job anymore :( Right about now, after two or so weeks of job searching and finding nothing, I'm really thinking I like my own plan better. I'll just have to wait it out to see the final result of trying to do God's will. Of course there's little tender mercies all around me, and it's been great fun to be here. I just hope something changes before my savings runs out.
Another thing that's normal: I've found another adventurous place to live! There's a KOA campground in Cedar City, and they have a sign saying "student housing available." I could just picture somebody living in a KOA Kabin and I had to call! They actually have RV's to rent by the month, and if I wasn't living at home I'd be all for it. I guess first I'll have to find a job, then move in. If that happens, I'll be right over the fence from my sister Kathy. I want to laugh every time I think about it, because it's like the Indian movie we watched yesterday. The rich live on one side of the fence (she's looking to buy a huge house with about 6 bedrooms), and the dirt- poor people live on the other side. Wow we're in different points in our lives, and yes, once again, I am the older but more crazy sister. It somehow reminds me of our old apartments. My little siblings would come to my house and jump off the walls, dancing and singing, even though I stressed the thinness of the walls and our poor neighbors who had to listen to us. Then they'd go to Kathy's apartment and sit quietly on her couch, asking her how her day went. FYI: You're all invited to a party at the RV place, but of course only one of you can fit inside at a time. LOL.
...
I just tried to find a pic. of an RV, but who knows if it's "stealing bandwidth?" I guess I won't risk it. Just picture a great big RV right in this spot and me laughing uproariously about it.
Monday, September 15, 2008
second chances
Well Nate set a record for me, because unlike every other time an incident of this catastrophic proportion happened in past relationships, he actually called back and didn't want to leave things as they were. We're much better now, but it's not exactly how it was. I guess we'll just have to wait and see how we both behave when a touchy issue comes up again. Until then I'll just ponder the record breaking moment.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Uggghhh
First of all, Rachel, congrats on finding my blog! I haven't given the address to many people, because of the subject matter. Most of my friends are married, and I usually have some gripe against married people. My main complaint is that they just don't get what it's like to be the second oldest with 3 YOUNGER married sisters. Seriously, my baby sister who is 8 YEARS younger than me tried to give me dating advice. I laughed and had to remind her that she dated a total of 2 guys, neither one broke her heart, and she married the second! All I have to show for my dating past is broken hearts left and right. You'd think that after awhile I'd get the point but I guess I'm a glutton for punishment.
Secondly. I hate relationships. When they're good, they're very very good, but when they're bad, they're horrid. I finally got to the point of admitting that I'm dating Nate. It took a lot to let go and trust that much... Then last night, or actually early this morning it all went south. He left in huff and I stormed into my house, grabbed a coat and stomped down to the stop sign about 1/2 mile away. Right when I got to the stop sign a cop pulled over and asked what was going on. I know, I know, it's not very smart for a girl to go angrily walking down the street at 1 am, even if it is Enoch, UT. I said I was just walking off some steam and that I lived close by. He asked if everything was ok, and I can only assume he thought I was a domestic violence victim or something. I said I was fine, and he drove away.
I have no idea what time I went to bed, but I really didn't want to face the day today. I stayed in bed until 3 pm (definitely a record), since all of our plans for the day of temple attendance and a baptism went out the window, I could afford it (refer to the joys of singlehood, i.e. no kids to have to wake up and function for). Here I am, with plans to travel and go to grad school, then I meet this guy and wonder how much I should change my plans, then we both say hurtful things one night, and it's all seemingly over. Maybe it's just not a good idea for two people who have been hurt in the past to get together. Being hurt again is bound to happen. I wish it were easier, and that neither of us had big issues, but news to the rest of the world, we do. Why do some people have it easy when it comes to getting married? They meet someone, fall in love, and get married. They don't have a past full of hurt to worry about, or even "a past" to speak of. Eighteen year olds have it easy! They haven't had time to mess up their lives like we ancient people have.
I don't know if I want to deal with this; but I did just listen to my voicemail message and he called to apologize........ That's better than E, who acted like everything was fine, then let me go for days and days wondering what had happened because he was too chicken to pick up the phone to tell me it was over.
I have to think about it. Can anyone tell me that relationships are really worth it? I need to know.
Secondly. I hate relationships. When they're good, they're very very good, but when they're bad, they're horrid. I finally got to the point of admitting that I'm dating Nate. It took a lot to let go and trust that much... Then last night, or actually early this morning it all went south. He left in huff and I stormed into my house, grabbed a coat and stomped down to the stop sign about 1/2 mile away. Right when I got to the stop sign a cop pulled over and asked what was going on. I know, I know, it's not very smart for a girl to go angrily walking down the street at 1 am, even if it is Enoch, UT. I said I was just walking off some steam and that I lived close by. He asked if everything was ok, and I can only assume he thought I was a domestic violence victim or something. I said I was fine, and he drove away.
I have no idea what time I went to bed, but I really didn't want to face the day today. I stayed in bed until 3 pm (definitely a record), since all of our plans for the day of temple attendance and a baptism went out the window, I could afford it (refer to the joys of singlehood, i.e. no kids to have to wake up and function for). Here I am, with plans to travel and go to grad school, then I meet this guy and wonder how much I should change my plans, then we both say hurtful things one night, and it's all seemingly over. Maybe it's just not a good idea for two people who have been hurt in the past to get together. Being hurt again is bound to happen. I wish it were easier, and that neither of us had big issues, but news to the rest of the world, we do. Why do some people have it easy when it comes to getting married? They meet someone, fall in love, and get married. They don't have a past full of hurt to worry about, or even "a past" to speak of. Eighteen year olds have it easy! They haven't had time to mess up their lives like we ancient people have.
I don't know if I want to deal with this; but I did just listen to my voicemail message and he called to apologize........ That's better than E, who acted like everything was fine, then let me go for days and days wondering what had happened because he was too chicken to pick up the phone to tell me it was over.
I have to think about it. Can anyone tell me that relationships are really worth it? I need to know.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Reality
It just dawned on me that a huge issue for an "older single" is the idea of going into a relationship after being hurt in the past. I've been on a few dates with this guy, and let's be honest, I really like him. BUT scared-out-of-my-mind doesn't even begin to describe the gut-ache I feel when the word(s) "boyfriend, engagement, planning a wedding, and marriage" come to my mind. (And NO, we aren't even close to the point of any of the above words, it's just that my mind seems to automatically skip to those things. I'm reminded of how awful it was, in the past, during those stages; and I really don't want to relive any of those moments. EVER.) I keep telling myself to take it day by day, but wow is it hard! I never thought I'd be the way I am now, probably because dating used to be so easy. I told this present guy that I have a hard time trusting and really having hope for relationships. He said he wouldn't break my heart, but I've actually heard something similar to that before... and a few months after that time, I was left by myself crying in the rain. I rarely cry.
If you don't like bulleted lists, you're reading the wrong blog :) At moments like these I've found things that help me cope:
If you don't like bulleted lists, you're reading the wrong blog :) At moments like these I've found things that help me cope:
- I have a list of songs that go from wanting the other person to cry for you, to crying yourself, to having some hope, to enjoying a peaceful relationship! If it can happen in a playlist of songs, I'm sure it can happen in real life.
- I remind myself of all the good qualities of this person, that show he is trustworthy.
- Sometimes I have to remind myself to breathe, I hear it helps! Yoga, I keep meaning to do that...
- I like to talk to people and get my feelings out. I'm enjoying being with my family again, because I don't have to explain my whole life story to them. They already know my struggles, and can help me find the new joys.
- I have yet to find a situation in life that a movie quote doesn't help: "A life lived in fear is a life half lived." and later: "We lived our lives in fear! (from Strictly Ballroom)" I'm not sure where this quote came from, but "the only alternative (to being with people) is isolation, loneliness, boredom, and despair." I don't want any of that.
- Most importantly, I remind myself of the answers to prayers I've had, beg Heavenly Father to help me once again, go to the temple, read through my patriarchal blessing, and basically try to feel the spirit and some peace.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Gratitude, Thankfulness, Being Grateful, Giving thanks...
It's not fair to write a whole post about loss and becoming deeper human beings, without writing about the flip side of learning to enjoy and squeeze every drop out of life.
This counts as my gratitude journal for the day:
This counts as my gratitude journal for the day:
- The Grandys- I always miss them when they're gone, but every time we see them it's like they never left. We just pick up where we left off.
- Scrapbooks/journals/Picasa albums that I can look over and relive the memories
- Facebook, I love that tool. How else could I find long lost friends?
- Making plans, it's almost as fun as actually doing whatever it is.
- Mom, she's the first person I call when I'm perplexed.
- Siblings and cousins. They're pretty much my best friends, and stick with me, even watching "Carrie movies"
- I'm grateful to be done with school, for awhile. I'm especially grateful that the last two years worth of classes went smoothly. It's taken me awhile to realize that freaking out about school work only made it worse. Having a year where I couldn't go to school made me realize that I did want to finish.
- Love days, Twinner days, Hay hay hay days, DAE's... e.g. bonding moments
- STARS! There about 20 million more stars in Enoch than in Orem. Really, I checked the Astronomy books (ha ha). People try to say it's light pollution, but I know the truth.
- Fields, I definitely like the wide open spaces. I think I'll always be a small town girl at heart.
- Memories. I may not be all the places, or doing all of the things I once did. But, "I'll always have them in my heart."
- Using movie quotes as welcomes/goodbye sayings. "There's a dame at the Door." and, "I love your brown skin." or, "Maybe my hearin' ain't 20/20 no more, "Now you want me die?"
- Notes from people showing their love (birthday letters/magazine cut outs pasted on scrapbook pages).
- Hello! I've been "in love" before, and it's a great feeling! Just because it didn't work out doesn't make the following false: "I lived while you loved me." I still laugh at some of the crazy fun times: postits in his car, gorgeous flowers long distance, first kiss in a theater, star gazing at 2 am and NOT touching, balloons at the airport, spur of the moment Labor Day trip, dancing in Arches NP, inside jokes, racing down stairs, traditions like Radio City, kissing after deciding to just be friends, contest for naming random body parts (Scapula, medulaoblongata) ...and no these were not with just one guy.
- The road trips I've been on. I love them, even if we do spend most of the time being lost.
- How could you not like flair and H20pia?
- Happy Thought Walls, funny Christmas presents (one was a folded up happy thoughts wall) Quote boards, and the question balls.
- Rumikub with cuz Michael and the homemade edition of Apples to Apples.
- Rarely seen "cult movies": Oscar, Father Goose, North Ave. Irregulars, & Expiration Date.
Moving Days
I've decided to embrace my insanity, and just accept the fact that I'm not like everyone else. I tried to be "normal" for the last two years, three months, and who knows how many days, but really I don't like to stay in one place for long. That's just the way it is. It's almost been three weeks now since my director pulled me into her office and told me of some concerns they have with me and my job. I went home and went over all of my concerns I have with them, and all of the things I didn't like about the job, and realized that my time in "happy valley" was over! I still feel bad about the way we left, but I'm so glad to be able to move again. The timing couldn't have been more perfect. My rental contract was up in two weeks, I had finished all of my classes for my bachelor's degree so I didn't need to stay in Orem/Provo for that, and I felt like my "please let me leave" prayers were finally being answered. I think I would have stayed in a miserable job for a lot longer if she didn't say the things she did, so I guess it was all part of the plan.
As soon as I decided to give my two weeks notice, it was now time to think of where I wanted to go. I've sort of settled on: staying at my parent's house for a couple of months and applying to grad school, then going to Florida and working at an Inn right next to the Everglades. Once that tourist season is over (Nov-Apr), I'll go to Alaska! I want to have fun again, travel, meet people who aren't LDS, and work in a new area of the country I haven't been. I'm excited to be back.
This answer to my prayers is one of my favorite: You don't have to do this anymore... I've had it twice now, and it has always been a relief. I'm still mad at God for a lot of things, but I can say that it seems to be all part of the plan. Why can't he just give me more of an idea of what the plan is? Oh well, I'm just happy that this part of my life is over!!!
As soon as I decided to give my two weeks notice, it was now time to think of where I wanted to go. I've sort of settled on: staying at my parent's house for a couple of months and applying to grad school, then going to Florida and working at an Inn right next to the Everglades. Once that tourist season is over (Nov-Apr), I'll go to Alaska! I want to have fun again, travel, meet people who aren't LDS, and work in a new area of the country I haven't been. I'm excited to be back.
This answer to my prayers is one of my favorite: You don't have to do this anymore... I've had it twice now, and it has always been a relief. I'm still mad at God for a lot of things, but I can say that it seems to be all part of the plan. Why can't he just give me more of an idea of what the plan is? Oh well, I'm just happy that this part of my life is over!!!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Things That Make Me go hu? or Times That a Single Person Does a Double Take.
- The moment your friends' family pictures replace their engagement pictures on your fridge.
- When you go to a family reunion (like last weekend) and instead of dating stories, all you hear about are stretch marks, labor stories, and comparing of children's personalities.
- When you realize that the guy next door is probably freaked out thinking that you like him because you say, "hi," and the reason he's probably freaked out is that you're a few YEARS older than a returned missionary!
Melancholy Moments
I just found a blog by an old friend, and I didn't realize it, but she just had a still born baby a few months ago. Tears streamed down my face as I read, something that never would have happened a few years ago... I was going to say the usual, I haven't had anything compared to that, but again, we all experience loss. It's made me think about loss and the idea that maybe that is one thing that makes us human. Or should I say a deeper human being. To me it's like a little piece of myself goes with them when the people leave, or the experiences are over. It's a part of me that can never be recovered, and my life will never be the same. Not to say that great and wonderful times and feelings aren't there, but it's not like you can fill up a hole with marshmallows and have it be like the concrete that was once there. (I just made that up, I'm not quite sure if it makes sense)
"You don't know what it's like, to be the bad man, to be the sad man, behind blue eyes." I don't even know if those are the right words to the song, but it's what I've been feeling lately. I haven't really opened up to anyone about my life, except for my coworker who is now gone with her new baby. It's like I put on a fake smile, go to work, church, research, and home again all the while mourning all of my "used to haves." Maybe the things I used to have weren't that great, but I really miss them.
Things I miss:
Deep and connecting conversations
Having people to hike with
Morning walks/runs with friends
Long phone conversations that would last for hours and not get boring.
Hope, hope for myself, my future,
Belief, belief in love, in my abilities, and that things would get better (it's been a long time, and it's not better).
The feeling of peace/love/that I was fine/blessed by God.
Feeling that somebody really knew me, and they were ok with that.
looking forward to a future- with someone.
"Hyperness"
Laughing contests and welcome to the kitchen dances (my sibs are getting old)
Hay Hay Hay days, happy DAE's, and Twinner dates.
Being Cheesy
Yosemite:
Bagillions of Stars
Versatile Waterfalls
the Valley Loop
colored leaves and dogwood flowers
Other Places:
missionary experiences
Meeting new people all of the time
MOVING!!!!!!!
Being in shape
In thinking about my life, I always feel like I'm the only one like me, nobody else has the experiences that I've had, so how could they possibly understand? I guess the point is that NOBODY has had the experiences you have had, but EVERYONE experiences loss in some way, and it hurts. It's a feeling felt singly, by the collective beings that inhabit the Earth. I feel like my entire life and my real self is gone, at least the one I once knew and lived. I've really lived. That is a great thing to say. I keep telling myself that my life isn't over yet, but I'm just feeling old and like the good times have passed me by.
PS Dan added me as a friend on Facebook. Why does he come around when I'm feeling vulnerable?
"You don't know what it's like, to be the bad man, to be the sad man, behind blue eyes." I don't even know if those are the right words to the song, but it's what I've been feeling lately. I haven't really opened up to anyone about my life, except for my coworker who is now gone with her new baby. It's like I put on a fake smile, go to work, church, research, and home again all the while mourning all of my "used to haves." Maybe the things I used to have weren't that great, but I really miss them.
Things I miss:
Deep and connecting conversations
Having people to hike with
Morning walks/runs with friends
Long phone conversations that would last for hours and not get boring.
Hope, hope for myself, my future,
Belief, belief in love, in my abilities, and that things would get better (it's been a long time, and it's not better).
The feeling of peace/love/that I was fine/blessed by God.
Feeling that somebody really knew me, and they were ok with that.
looking forward to a future- with someone.
"Hyperness"
Laughing contests and welcome to the kitchen dances (my sibs are getting old)
Hay Hay Hay days, happy DAE's, and Twinner dates.
Being Cheesy
Yosemite:
Bagillions of Stars
Versatile Waterfalls
the Valley Loop
colored leaves and dogwood flowers
Other Places:
missionary experiences
Meeting new people all of the time
MOVING!!!!!!!
Being in shape
In thinking about my life, I always feel like I'm the only one like me, nobody else has the experiences that I've had, so how could they possibly understand? I guess the point is that NOBODY has had the experiences you have had, but EVERYONE experiences loss in some way, and it hurts. It's a feeling felt singly, by the collective beings that inhabit the Earth. I feel like my entire life and my real self is gone, at least the one I once knew and lived. I've really lived. That is a great thing to say. I keep telling myself that my life isn't over yet, but I'm just feeling old and like the good times have passed me by.
PS Dan added me as a friend on Facebook. Why does he come around when I'm feeling vulnerable?
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Joys of "Singlehood"
Here's my list of why it's good to be single- don't worry all you married people, I'm sure there's great things about your stage in life too ;)
- No labor pains! my sister Sheri just had her third baby- ouch! He is adorable, and from what I hear, worth it.
- I can get plenty of sleep: without kids crawling into my bed, crying because they had a bad dream, or just wanting a drink of water. I can also stay up late and sleep in because there's nobody who wakes up and needs me- except my job of course.
- I get paid for my job, and can socialize with adults during the day.
- I can travel without making pit stops to feed/change the baby every few miles. Freedom is lovely :)
- I haven't had any arguments lately about who is spending over the budget!
- I can still dream about who I'm going to marry, and he'll of course be everything I've ever wished for.
- The "adjustment period" only counts for roommates and they aren't home often enough to make it a big deal.
- Education, I kind of like it.
- Best of all, I get to enjoy all the great things about my nieces and nephews (giggles, cute sayings, just being adorable etc.), but get to send them to their parents when they're fussy or they need a diaper change :D
I'll think of more and let you know. Is there anything you marrieds miss about being single?
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
age differences
I found out yesterday that I am 9 years older than my new roommate. We were driving in my other roommate's car to FHE, and The "baby" of the apartment innocently asked how old I was. Hearing myself tell my "old" age and finding that they are much younger (the other one is 23), put me in a tale spin. I could almost see the fear in their eyes, that someday they might be as old as me, still be single, and moving into yet another apartment. I could also hear the unasked question of "what have you done with your life?" Really I don't know where the time has gone. Somehow I ended up being old without really knowing how that happened.
I think back to when I was 19, and almost want to start my life over at that time. I realize that I have learned much and hopefully matured a little over the last 9 years, but I can resolutely say that I never wanted to be where I am today. When I was 20 and "unofficially engaged" (does anyone else have such a long list of types of engagements in their past? I have: unofficially engaged, engaged to be engaged, officially engaged [with a ring], a planned elopement, and simply planning on getting married as soon as certain life events happen. Thankfully none of these plans materialized) I remember thinking, "but I wanted to get married when I was 28!" At that time, I had a lot I still wanted to do, and marriage would put a damper on those things. Now, I AM 28, and still have a lot of that list left to do. I wanted to be amazing and world changing. Instead I'm pretty normal, if not behind in some accomplishments that others my age have achieved. What do others see when they take stock of their lives? Maybe this is what it's like to have a mid-life crisis. This is my 1/4 life crisis.
I just wrote a whole list of things I've done with my life, but it didn't really help. Do I need to prove my worth to myself because my life is different from my planned one, or different from others? It doesn't really work. There's really not much I can do about what's gotten me here, I can only "be the change I want to see in the world (Gandhi)."
I think back to when I was 19, and almost want to start my life over at that time. I realize that I have learned much and hopefully matured a little over the last 9 years, but I can resolutely say that I never wanted to be where I am today. When I was 20 and "unofficially engaged" (does anyone else have such a long list of types of engagements in their past? I have: unofficially engaged, engaged to be engaged, officially engaged [with a ring], a planned elopement, and simply planning on getting married as soon as certain life events happen. Thankfully none of these plans materialized) I remember thinking, "but I wanted to get married when I was 28!" At that time, I had a lot I still wanted to do, and marriage would put a damper on those things. Now, I AM 28, and still have a lot of that list left to do. I wanted to be amazing and world changing. Instead I'm pretty normal, if not behind in some accomplishments that others my age have achieved. What do others see when they take stock of their lives? Maybe this is what it's like to have a mid-life crisis. This is my 1/4 life crisis.
I just wrote a whole list of things I've done with my life, but it didn't really help. Do I need to prove my worth to myself because my life is different from my planned one, or different from others? It doesn't really work. There's really not much I can do about what's gotten me here, I can only "be the change I want to see in the world (Gandhi)."
Monday, June 30, 2008
QUESTIONS
Questions
You can only type ONE Word! Not as easy as you might think. Change the answers to suit you and pass it on. It's really hard to only use one word answers. (I stole this from Rachel Grandy Hansen's blog)
1. Where is your cell phone? bag
2. Where is your significant other? non-existant
3. Your hair? straight
4. Your mother? loving
5. Your father? gardener
6. Your favorite thing? Custard
7. Your dream last night? blank
8. Your favorite drink? H2O
9. Your dream/goal? gypsy
10. The room you're in? office
11. Your hobby? hiking
12. Your fear? alone
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? therapist/mother
14. Where were you last night? apartment
15. What you're not? quiet
16. Muffins? blueberry
17. One of your wish list items? thorn-proof-tires
18. Where you grew up? Paragonah
19. The last thing you did? stringcheese
20. What are you wearing? stripes
21. Your TV? double
22. Your pets? icky
23. Your computer? none
24. Your life? unknown
25. Your mood? tired
26. Missing someone? lots
27. Your car? love
28. Something you're not wearing? flipflops
29. Favorite store? Borders
30. Your summer? started
31. Like someone? John (not Big John)
32. Your favorite color? blue?
33. When is the last time you laughed? 17 hrs
You can only type ONE Word! Not as easy as you might think. Change the answers to suit you and pass it on. It's really hard to only use one word answers. (I stole this from Rachel Grandy Hansen's blog)
1. Where is your cell phone? bag
2. Where is your significant other? non-existant
3. Your hair? straight
4. Your mother? loving
5. Your father? gardener
6. Your favorite thing? Custard
7. Your dream last night? blank
8. Your favorite drink? H2O
9. Your dream/goal? gypsy
10. The room you're in? office
11. Your hobby? hiking
12. Your fear? alone
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? therapist/mother
14. Where were you last night? apartment
15. What you're not? quiet
16. Muffins? blueberry
17. One of your wish list items? thorn-proof-tires
18. Where you grew up? Paragonah
19. The last thing you did? stringcheese
20. What are you wearing? stripes
21. Your TV? double
22. Your pets? icky
23. Your computer? none
24. Your life? unknown
25. Your mood? tired
26. Missing someone? lots
27. Your car? love
28. Something you're not wearing? flipflops
29. Favorite store? Borders
30. Your summer? started
31. Like someone? John (not Big John)
32. Your favorite color? blue?
33. When is the last time you laughed? 17 hrs
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Moving, but only to Provo :(
You may be wondering why I am moving out of my adventurous, fairy tale like cottage. Well, it has been 9 months since I moved out on my own... I know I know, I swore I'd never live with roommates again (the last few places I lived weren't the best experiences), BUT newsflash to me: if you live I'm like a bird
I've figured out what my problem with life is: I want mine to have greater meaning than the every day dullness of reality. The problem is that it seems that the every day simple things are what make up a life, with a few scattered moments of grandeur. I'd just like to have those moments last longer, and maybe even have more grandiouse times and boring/normal moments. Maybe the key is to find meaning in the small simple things, but I'd still like to make a huge difference in the world! I think I suffer from the West's unsatisfied searching for meaning. Maybe I should move to the East. If you've known me longer than a week, you'll know that this is my eternal answer. Moving somewhere else is always fun and exciting. I'm pretty much addicted, and the withdrawls of styaing on one place for two long years isn't much fun. So far I've looked into moving to San Diego, Alaska, Cedar City, and the Smokey Mountains. For some unknown reason, I'm still here in Orem, UT. Stuck among a million other Mormons who never want to leave the "Utah Valley Bubble."
I'm ready to bust through that bubble as soon as the timing is right... now can I? How about now? How much longer? Am I there yet? Since the prospects for marriage are slim to none, I might as well have a great time while I'm single right? I'm hoping that Heavenly Father will soon answer in the affirmative, then I can go trapsing through the world unfettered and unencumbered by mortgages and the idea of returning to school (I graduate in 4 days). I keep saying that Utah is a black hole that sucks you in and never lets you go. I really hope that's not going to be true for the rest of my life :D
I'm ready to bust through that bubble as soon as the timing is right... now can I? How about now? How much longer? Am I there yet? Since the prospects for marriage are slim to none, I might as well have a great time while I'm single right? I'm hoping that Heavenly Father will soon answer in the affirmative, then I can go trapsing through the world unfettered and unencumbered by mortgages and the idea of returning to school (I graduate in 4 days). I keep saying that Utah is a black hole that sucks you in and never lets you go. I really hope that's not going to be true for the rest of my life :D
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Inspiriation
A few days ago I watched an incredible PBS movie about parents who raised three kids on a boat as they toured the world. http://www.thesailingchannel.tv/iceblink/ They wouldn't spend much money, and when they ran out they'd just work somewhere until they could go again. I watched it thinking, "Who needs a house with a mortgage, or to be overloaded with stuff?" It inspired me almost to the point of buying my own boat. That only lasted until I remembered that I'm scared of the ocean, at least where I can't see/touch the bottom (that means only 99.99% of the water in oceans scare me). I have been on a couple of ferry's, but the Nantucket Sound is like Utah Lake, so you could probably wade to shore if you fell overboard. I decided that I'd "settle" on buying a camper and driving around North and South America!!! Maybe I'll do some humanitarian work along the way, as I stop in a town for a few months and work at a hotel or something. Did you know that there's such thing as camper vans? They have kitchenettes and chairs that fold out into double beds. Wow, with that I could really go cheap, and definitely in style. This was my favorite one on EBay. Not that I'd really get one like that, but how fun would it be? 
Why don't I do it? The only thing that would hold me back would be going to grad school. If I don't get accepted, then it's off to the unknown for me :D Maybe I'll take pictures and sell them like the Martins did too. Then I'll be rich enough to keep up the lifestyle. Just in case you're wondering, I am serious about wanting to do this (not necessarily selling pics for money, but about the whole idea). Just like I was about the milk party.
Why don't I do it? The only thing that would hold me back would be going to grad school. If I don't get accepted, then it's off to the unknown for me :D Maybe I'll take pictures and sell them like the Martins did too. Then I'll be rich enough to keep up the lifestyle. Just in case you're wondering, I am serious about wanting to do this (not necessarily selling pics for money, but about the whole idea). Just like I was about the milk party.
Singles Anonymous, Round 2
If you're wondering what you can say to a single person, besides the ever present dating question, I'd say that the best thing to ask would be, "How are you doing?" or, "What's new in your life?" You don't have to mention dating, or children, or anything else. Then they can tell you about their lives and what's really going on. You can listen. I'd bet that they won't show proof of sitting on their hope chests, crying their eyes out because they aren't married. Their life might be a "Plan B," but who says "Plan A" is the only way to go?
My list of things not to say:
- "Some day a guy will come along..." first of all, you don't know that. I might not get married, and the guys that "comes along" might be immoral/unethical/addicted to drugs or something.
- "Your husband didn't die in the war in Heaven." Well, he might have "died" and that means that he joined Satan's ranks. Not a nice thought. It's a cute catch phrase, but when I heard that one I was pretty offended. I got this advice from a stranger and it still floors me. Does anyone really think that anyway?
- "I know this guy who just got divorced"... Remember that being single is not the only qualification needed to get married.
- "Have you tried the Internet?" That's not even safe! Though it has worked for some.
- "How do you do it? It must be so hard for you to move forward." My thought is, "you've gotta be kidding, do you know me at all?" I haven't actually heard this comment myself, but my Visiting Teaching partner's sister said it to her. She's my age.
- "I know this missionary who just got home..." Look, I am 28. Do you really think it's a good idea for me to date a guy who is 7 years younger than I am? Call me picky!
- "There must be something wrong with him, he's been engaged before." This doesn't really work for me, because I've been engaged before too. Telling me this information about someone else obviously says that there's something wrong with me.
- "Don't worry, I know a girl who got married when she was 26." Again, I'm older than that, and I know lots of girls who got married when they were 20. What does that have to do with me????
My turn for advice:
A good rule of thumb is to give advice- on how to find a member of the opposite sex, and probably at any other topic too- ONLY WHEN ASKED (the fact that you're reading this post counts as asking for my advice). I don't think many do ask, unless you are really close. DO NOT give advice to strangers who mention that they aren't married!
DO NOT spend an hour's conversation talking about guys you can set up a single person with. I've honestly had conversations where I try to change the subject more than once, but they won't have it.
I have a question for the "marrieds": would you like it if single people came up to you and said things like, "Isn't married life hard? Don't worry, it'll all be OK for you once you get to heaven."Or "Wow, you have that many kids? Maybe they'll grow up fast so you can find your own identity." Not that I would ever say those things, because it would be rude. I'm just saying that it would be nice if my pushy married friends (you know who you are), wouldn't treat me like I need to be fixed- by them. I bet God can handle that all by himself.
Three cheers to the good life, no matter your marital/parental status!
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Ok, the post that I ranted and raved about married people always asking about my dating life, needs an addendum. Married people aren't the only ones who bring it up. Lately it has also been a huge topic of conversation for those who are single. I'm simply sick of the conversation, no matter who brings it up, so please ask me something- anything else.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Hi, My name is Carrie, and I'm a single person.
Here's an idea, a Singles Anonymous Group! Wait. Maybe that's the Singles Ward ;)
All right here's the scoop: people bug me sometimes. My cousin, who is 18 and really should know better, made "the comment" yesterday. I was talking about my calling as a Sunbeam Teacher in church (Three year olds have more energy than the Energizer Bunny. I think they actually harness the energy from them for the batteries... but back to my post) and I must have said something about kids in relation to me, because the next thing he says is, "Oh you'll have kids. If not in this life, you'll have them in the next!" This might seem an OK thing to say, but first of all, that was not even my issue. It's like people hear the word child from a single person's lips and it's assumed that they're going to whine about not having any. At that moment, I was thinking, how in the world do mom's do it? and, I don't know if I'll ever be ready for that. Then he goes off on how someday I'll have my own?????
I think people say this type of advice just to put their own mind at ease, and feel like they made the single person feel better. It's never worked for me, and I doubt it works for others. The problem is that it's not always the issue the person is even talking about, and the advice giver doesn't bother listening. I'm pretty sure every single Mormon knows the doctrine of all things being made up to them. If you were single for awhile, and you heard this comment over and over, and over and over, it would get old for you too.
When the above comment, or the comment about finding a guy in the next life is made, I really just want to say, "What do you suggest for the next 80 years of my life?" The next life is most likely years and years away. Maybe that retort wouldn't be the best idea, because knowing the comments I've had, they'd probably say soemthing like, "look for that guy to come along!" Honestly, sometimes I think waiting for some perfect person in heaven is the best option. That way you won't have to deal with annoying habits for 80+ years. And though it is hard once in awhile- like when your younger sisters get married, then have babies, then have more kids... and you're all alone, just you and your PJ's (I heard the PJ comment in a talk once) - it's not like my life is worthless because "that guy hasn't come along." I have worth because of who I am, not who I'm with. I wish people would understand that.
All right here's the scoop: people bug me sometimes. My cousin, who is 18 and really should know better, made "the comment" yesterday. I was talking about my calling as a Sunbeam Teacher in church (Three year olds have more energy than the Energizer Bunny. I think they actually harness the energy from them for the batteries... but back to my post) and I must have said something about kids in relation to me, because the next thing he says is, "Oh you'll have kids. If not in this life, you'll have them in the next!" This might seem an OK thing to say, but first of all, that was not even my issue. It's like people hear the word child from a single person's lips and it's assumed that they're going to whine about not having any. At that moment, I was thinking, how in the world do mom's do it? and, I don't know if I'll ever be ready for that. Then he goes off on how someday I'll have my own?????
I think people say this type of advice just to put their own mind at ease, and feel like they made the single person feel better. It's never worked for me, and I doubt it works for others. The problem is that it's not always the issue the person is even talking about, and the advice giver doesn't bother listening. I'm pretty sure every single Mormon knows the doctrine of all things being made up to them. If you were single for awhile, and you heard this comment over and over, and over and over, it would get old for you too.
When the above comment, or the comment about finding a guy in the next life is made, I really just want to say, "What do you suggest for the next 80 years of my life?" The next life is most likely years and years away. Maybe that retort wouldn't be the best idea, because knowing the comments I've had, they'd probably say soemthing like, "look for that guy to come along!" Honestly, sometimes I think waiting for some perfect person in heaven is the best option. That way you won't have to deal with annoying habits for 80+ years. And though it is hard once in awhile- like when your younger sisters get married, then have babies, then have more kids... and you're all alone, just you and your PJ's (I heard the PJ comment in a talk once) - it's not like my life is worthless because "that guy hasn't come along." I have worth because of who I am, not who I'm with. I wish people would understand that.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Maturity
What's your socio-emotional age? I'm beginning to think that my maturity level is really between age 12 and 14. My reasoning is that kids are usually the only ones willing to go for my crazy ideas. There's "Rock Running," 
which is more like running over boulders, but rock sounds better. Then there's the annual bike ride. I spent Memorial Day on a 20 mile bike ride with my youngest brother and cousins (age 12 & 14 of course). We pushed on through the WIND, RAIN, lightning/thunder, SLEET, HAIL, and once in awhile the sunshine. Through it all, we chanted, "Can we do it? Yes we can, whoop!" This was quite the accomplishment, considering that two bikes got flat tires along the way. I'm glad I have people in my life who are good sports.
which is more like running over boulders, but rock sounds better. Then there's the annual bike ride. I spent Memorial Day on a 20 mile bike ride with my youngest brother and cousins (age 12 & 14 of course). We pushed on through the WIND, RAIN, lightning/thunder, SLEET, HAIL, and once in awhile the sunshine. Through it all, we chanted, "Can we do it? Yes we can, whoop!" This was quite the accomplishment, considering that two bikes got flat tires along the way. I'm glad I have people in my life who are good sports. 
Hello all,
I thought I'd start a blog, though I don't know much about this sort of thing. It's a good thing Blogspot makes it easy :)
Until a few weeks ago, I was planning on writing a book about being single- amidst a culture that sees this status as something to fix. Then I read over what I had written, and it's a bit too cheesy, even for me. I figured blogging works just as well, if not better because there are no publishers or editors involved. Consider this fair warning that I might start venting about comments people make, or write advice for married people who want to set their single: friends/neighbors/relatives/strangers they just met- up on a date! I might even write about the joys of "singlehood," which some people seem to think should end a year after high school. With that said, welcome to my blog. Enjoy the upcoming posts.
I thought I'd start a blog, though I don't know much about this sort of thing. It's a good thing Blogspot makes it easy :)
Until a few weeks ago, I was planning on writing a book about being single- amidst a culture that sees this status as something to fix. Then I read over what I had written, and it's a bit too cheesy, even for me. I figured blogging works just as well, if not better because there are no publishers or editors involved. Consider this fair warning that I might start venting about comments people make, or write advice for married people who want to set their single: friends/neighbors/relatives/strangers they just met- up on a date! I might even write about the joys of "singlehood," which some people seem to think should end a year after high school. With that said, welcome to my blog. Enjoy the upcoming posts.
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